A
male
age
36-40,
*arcass86
writes:I need some help on this.i am 22years old and i live in ireland...ive always wanted to go and work abroad and lately ive been thinking alot about it. i have a girlfriend ive been with for 3years and i am completly torn between what to do...i dont want to lose her, but i also dont want to lose the chance of going abroad....i have talked to her about it and she said she will support me whatever my decision is...but i really cant handle it because i really want to go abroad to live and work but i also dont want to lose what i have with her, she doesnt want to go over with me because she doesnt want to leave her family i understand that but as i said im torn between what to do...i have thought about it alot and i cant make the decision...can someone help me with this please. i just need advice on this and nothing else...im finanically ok and everything, im just torn between the person i love and what ive always wanted to do...please help Reply to this Question
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reader, carcass86 +, writes (23 March 2009):
carcass86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey people thank you for your responses :] very much appreciated.
well my desire to go traveling an working has been with me even before i left secondary school...i still look back the chance i had when i was 16 to do it and i didnt and i regret not going it...yea im 22 now an i feel i need to do it this time because i dont no when i would get the chance to ever do it again and i still want to do while i am young.
well this evening my girlfriend an i were talking about it and she is willing to support me through it...there is reasons why she wont come and its by her family she has a younger brother will austism and theres a few other issues in her family but i understand and although she said she will be here when i get back i dont know if she would because i dont even know when i would be back..if ever...but i offered her to come out to me for a few weeks for holidays if she wanted....we have looked through all the options and we have agreed that we will try the whole long distance thing...and if it doesnt work out for us that we will finish it on good terms because we have been through a hell of alot in them 3years 2gether and have agreed to always remain friends even if we are on either side of the world.
thank you very much everyone :] i love you's all :] thanks and thanks again :]
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 There is no "one choice is better than the other" answer here.
Your girlfriend may or may not be there for you when you get back. The countries you will be visiting may or may not be there 5-10 years from now (Remember Soviet Union? Germany? India/Pakistan? etc etc).
Each time frame has its own place in the world. You may or may not have the energy 5-10 years from now to travel as freely as backpackers do, but you will probably have a deeper understanding of life in the places you visit then. Visiting exotic and beautiful places is also different when you travel alone and when you travel with a partner.
On that note, your travel bug and desire to work overseas, is it about you as an "free agent" and a "life-style", or as you as "a family man"?
I am putting more questions than suggestions here, because I too travel a bit in my work. I have seen families getting stronger and "richer" in their personalities, and families that live separately two continents apart (single and accompanied postings), and people forming new family units when they met their partner locally.
And yes, financially, foreigners (or "expatriates" as they are called overseas) often earn twenty-thirty folds than their local counterparts (ar at least double or triple than when working in Ireland). But often, more often than not, it may be difficult for the spouse to get the same kind of job that s/he is qualified for or used to, overseas.
Good luck and good journey to you!
Cat
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A
male
reader, carcass86 +, writes (23 March 2009):
carcass86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey cerbeus...thanks for your advice :) .. i also had a chat with a few family members an they say all say the same thing :] thank you very much for your reply :] it was a great help :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Take a chance with the travelling thing, while difficult, long distance relationships can work.
I'll put it to you this way, she'll still be around when you get back and you can come home at any time if you miss her too much.
In my opinion it shouldn't be a matter of choosing between the two there's no reason you can't have both and regularly returning home for visits helps, plus she can always come visit you.
The travelling bug will never leave you, best to get it out of the way while you're still young, there's no other experience like it, it will change your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Do you have the option of travelling late in life? Because my bf will soon have to make this very same choice, and what he has said about it was that be would postpone it if we could, until the relationship is in a more secure place. Once you two are more secure, maybe then she will want to come with you...?
If you can't wait, and the opportunity will be gone, then I think this ones completely up to you. Weigh the long term benefit of each choice. My bf decided that he will travel anyway, even if that means we will be apart 1-4 years because our plans for university are very different. I want to stay here in the States, but he wants to sail the Pacific (he did the Atlantic a few years ago) with his family, and then go back home to England for college.
Since you're 22, your dilemma is different, but really, what is better for you?
Abandon the dream or the girl?
Travelling doesn't love you back. It won't comfort you when you're upset. (Because even guys get upset, don't deny it.) And your girl, will you 100% lose her because of the distance?
Sorry, that isn't really advice. Just trying to get you to answer your own question. So which is more important to you and your future happiness?
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