A
female
age
36-40,
*upidbaby
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in a very emotional situation right now. I am torn between my family and my fiance. My mother called me a couple of weeks ago from across the country (california) to tell me that she is HIV positive. At that point I didn't know how to take it, I was crying for days just so upset at the world and everything around me, as if the finger had to be pointed at someone. My mother is a single mom raising my 5 younger brothers the youngest being 4. I am the eldest and only daughter. Currently I am living in philadelphia with my fiance. We are suppose to be lookin to move into a home soon and get married within the next 2 years. I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and love him to death but my heart has been tellin me that I need to go back home to cali to take care of my mother and make sure that she is taking her medications on time. She is working a low paying job and is on welfare and can barely make rent every month. This makes me sad everyday knowing that my mother and brothers ar struggling everyday. What should I do? I wish I could have my fiance move to cali with me but that is not realistic, he will not move in a million years because HIS family is here... I love my mother and brothers dearly. I do not know what to do at this point. Any advice as to what is the best thing? All comments are appreciated... thank you for taking your time to understand where I am coming fromLin
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Can I give you a hug first? Please be strong.
I can only emphatize with you, it must be very hard for you right now. But, I believe that your fiance will support you in your toughest times right now.
Right now, what I can think of, for you to have some time off from work or from school to sort some things out for your mother and younger brothers. Can you afford it? Can your fiance help you with this? Why do you need this? Because you will need the time to go to Cali and work with your family on how best to address the situation.
For instance, there are a few options I was thinking of:
(a) for your mother, to find a support group or volunteer organization who can look in on her to make sure that she takes her meds on time
(b) for your brothers, it would be hard for them being so young to be looking after her while the younger ones need to be looked after too. One "terrible" option is to put them in a foster care, but they may need to be separated. A better option for them, is for you to take them in and live with you in Phily. But this option will put a financial (and perhaps relationship/family) strain on you and your fiance
(c) find a support group in Phily and talk to them about your mother being in the group and they and you look after your mom (and your brothhers will still be together). The weather may not be too friendly for her though
Bring these different options with your fiance, and see what he has to say. It may even open up new ideas on how to work it out, from him or his family. From what you say in your posting, I think your fiance will do his best to support you in your efforts to help your family.
Google on various ideas or potentials on the above, to get relevant information as well as new ideas on how to address your situation.
Hugs again!
Cat
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Hi Lin. I have to tell you I can only imagine what you are going thru and the way you are feeling in this situation. Lin if you feel the need to go and help your mom and brothers, then I advice you to go and spend some time with them and help them however you can. I think you should talk to your fiancee and if you have good communication and a strong relationship then I think he will understand how you feel and what you need to do. Talk about the best way to handle this, maybe he will be able to accompany you to Cali for a while....I really dont know....but do not let time pass by without doing what you feel in your heart is right.....you might regret it later on. God Bless you and your family Lin.
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