A
female
age
30-35,
*amienAndKaedensMom
writes:I am new to this site so first off I just wanna say Hi! My names Kayla! I have been in my current relationship almost 4 years. We just got married almost a year ago. We have 2 children together.We have never really got along, but lately it seems worse. I have hit him before but, he has also hit me back, and being a guy he's hit me twice as hard and many more times than I did.(not saying it was right for me to hit him cause I know it wasn't) He has Bipolar disorder and depression. I also suffer from depression. Well, about 2 months ago I kindly shook him a little while he was asleep and asked him to please wake up and get our son a bottle because I had to be to work early that morning. Well after shaking him a little I was just going to give up and do it myself. Well, then he grabbed me and started hitting me and choking me and then put my face in the pillow and sat on my head so I couldn't breathe at all. I was screaming so loud and then he just stopped, looked around and says "he didn't know what he had just did." Well I went to sleep and when I woke up the next morning and had a huge bruise by my eye and bruises on my arms and back. I asked him why he had done it and he didn't remember anything. is that even possible?.... So I believed him. Well after that we've been in about 4-5 more arguments only 1 being really bad. About a week ago we got into a arguement because he said I was being rude and inconsiderate. So, we started arguing and he got in my face and I stood up and was going to just grab him by his shoulders and tell him to stop but, right when I stood up he grabbed me by my hair and threw me down, started choking me and then I broke away and ran upstairs to get my phone to call the police well he followed me and pushed me down about half way up the stairs and choked me again, I got back up and made it up the stairs and he grabbed my hair again turned me around and pushed me really hard against the wall. I told him I was done with him and I was calling the police. Then about 2 min. later he was apologizing for everything and I just kept saying I was leaving him. Well he ended up talking me into not calling the police and said that if the medicine that they prescribe him at the Dr. tomorrow (Last Friday) doesn't work then I should leave him and I agreed but, now I'm wondering if it's even worth it? We went to the doctor and he got on medicine and they set us up a marriage counseling appointment for the 20th. We agreed to go and try to work everything out. There is so much more to the whole story but this is just a jist of whats going on.. I just don't want this to happen any more but, I love him. And I want our family to be together. So I'm just wondering if you think I should wait to see if the medicine works (which it has started to so far) or just leave now? Do you think it will get worse? Kayla(you can reply here or just email me at damiensmommy007@hotmail.com)Thank You!
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female
reader, DamienAndKaedensMom +, writes (16 March 2009):
DamienAndKaedensMom is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank You For your answer! I'm still trying to figure everything out. But, thanks for your input it has really made me think! =)
Kayla
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Hey Kayla,
The statistics of two people having no skills to be in a healthy relationship and physically abuse the other show you have a very low likelihood of success.
When you were first hit, it was then you should have called the police, gotten a protective order, and never seen the man again.
Also statistically speaking, your two children are virtually guaranteed to: partner with abusers, and be abusive, should you allow them to continue in this environment.
Then, it is important to face the truth: abusers stay abusers as long as they are with their victim.
Now to the solution. Medicine and counseling is a cultural approach to helping you two, yet, your profile fits the classic situation that rarely ever gets turned around.
Two choices: 1. Stay in 2. Get out.
In staying in, all of the above applies, and yes, you may be the exception, but only if you both set rules and never deviate. Those rules must have consequences you agree to. These consequences must meet the crime. For example, should any physical abuse occur, a police report will be filed.
In getting out, make that choice, and don't look back, and be proud of yourself for giving your children a chance at living in a safe healthy environment.
Remember, you can take the man out of hell, but you can't take the hell out of a man.
Good luck!
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