A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am 32 years old and I have a good friend who I have been friends with for many many many years. Thing is..she has had bad experiences with other friends due to her cyncial negative attitude on life etc. She thinks the world is against and her glass is never half full, always half empty. Now I am a really positive person and yeah sometimes life throws me a curve ball, but I try to always look at it as a learning experience not as a "the world hates me" thing.Recently, she introduced me to a guy that she was having a casual relationship with years ago. Let me make it clear that I am in no way attracted to this guy but we happen to work for the same company, I just never met him before ( its a big company ). And we are on vacation the same time. We think very much alike. Even more recently, we all went out and she was being negative and cynical again and being all judgemental about his lifestyle. He is a ladies man, I won't say player as he is super upfront about what his dealings with the ladies are. She gets upset and now they are not speaking for what seems like going into a month. I love my best friend dearly, but sometimes she pisses me off. He has been her friend for the same time she has been mine and it angers me that she throws away friendships for something as silly as a misunderstanding. I am having a get together at my house this weekend and have asked both of them to come....he says he isn't coming as he rather not be subjected to her negativity and poor attitude. But I would really like him to come, he is funny as hell and because he is in the entertainment industry, we can make the BBQ one heck of a good time for all. Now ...he isn't coming. She on the other hand gets jealous if I go out with him...when I say go out, I don't mean date, but just do errands and hang out. She knows I am not interested in him, I just dont' get why she has to be so bloody negative all the time. If I tell her about it she gets quiet. I feel tormented and torn!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Yep, it sounds like you are in the middle of a battlezone!
I would suggest trying to stay out of it as much as possible. I know this won't be easy, as you will obviously still talk to both of them, but if one of them starts to say negative things about the other, try not to get drawn into the conversation. Try to remain neutral, if possible. They should really try to sort out their difficulties themselves.
As for your friend...do you think she could be depressed or something? Or are there things troubling her which could be making her very pessimistic? It could be that she is just that way. Again, if possible I would try to just ignore her negative comments.
But if it starts to bring you down, then maybe you should try and spend less time with her. Perhaps your personalities just aren't clicking together at the moment.
Or maybe you could try and encourage her to look on the positive side a bit more. If she says something negative, try and counter what she has said with a more positive alternative. I do still wonder if maybe she is unhappy about something in her life though. But at the same time, I can understand that it can't be easy for you to deal with.
I hope things work out okay for everyone. x
A
female
reader, shefali  +, writes (1 June 2009):
Hi,
The problem that you narrate of your friend doesn't sound very one of a kind, nor is it rare to find.. There are people who have either failed a lot in their lifes (in big or small ventures) or have seen too many difficult times, which are subconsciously still with them and force them to act negatively, while they are completely oblivious of it and do not see anything abnormal.. Since you obviously care a lot for your friend, i suggest that although you get irritated with her, please deal with her patiently - help her join sme meditation and yoga classes, gift her some good books and do not jilt her at any point since that is one thing that shall develop negativity all over again... Also her male fren shoudl be supportive to her on this, if he really likes her... you can probably ask him to try n make up this one more time n send her flowers or surprise her in some way and then they can both join you for the party too.. :)
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