A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am slim, tall, and I think I am pretty enough in my face. But I have very very very dark skin and in my country this is not a good thing. It affects your life badly, I will not have marriage proposals or the ones I do get will not be good offers. No man wants a wife with nearly black skin here - I am not being depressing or negative here, this is quite plain and simply a fact! Even if I want to have a job it will affect me. Everyone puts me down about it and I am fed up of being told I am ugly because my skin is too dark. I feel very depressed, sometimes I cry so much about this. I am the only one in my family this dark and they feel quite ashamed about it. They have tried to encourage me to use bleaching creams but I do not want to. I know people in the west are going to leave comments saying how Oh they wish they had dark skin and that they and so many people try to get tans or whatever. But this sounds really patronising when people make comments like this - I have always found it offensive.Unless you live here in this country you can not imagine how it is. In Bollywood - all the actors and actress have milky white skin. All the bad guys and villians in the movies normally have dark skin. This is just soceity. White is considered to be beautiful and dark is considered to be very ugly - it is plain and simple. There is no answer and this is how I was made and will be for the rest of my life. It is all fine and good saying be confidence, self esteem and forget what everyone says - and believe me I do my best to do this. BUT when it affects your actual quality of life and what you can and can not do or achieve is another thing, it just gets me down to think the rest of my life is going to have to live like this in a soceity like this with people like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): ******I AM THE ORIGINAL PERSON WHO WROTE THIS QUESTION****To the last anonymous girl who said she has been to India. Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. It meant a lot to me. I think unless you have been to India yourself, alot of people in the west can not understand the magnitude or the scale of oppression you face by having very dark skin. They can not understand the seriousness of how skin colour can control so much of your life - if you get jobs, marriage proposals, etc. It is a big part of life and society here, and if you happen to be dark, the soceity will penalise you for it. So I am glad you have been here, and was understanding to me and the troubles I am and will continue to face in my life time. There is no solution and leaving my country is not an option. Even though I am ok with myself and happy who I am, still it is a hard and difficult thing to have to deal with knowingly for the rest of my life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): I've been to India many times and I understand your frustration. You're a beautiful, smart girl who is being punished for nothing. I know that there have been some very amazing feminist writings to come out of India, and it seems to me that there is a gradual change in people's prejudices - starting with the young of course.
Unless you can move out of India and place yourself in an environment that is not going to penalize you so heavily, then you are going to have to be strong. Why internalize all this hatred for your skin? The worst thing you can do is to turn on yourself. Just keep in mind who the crazy ones are. This can be so hard for women when it comes to their worth as humans, their attractiveness etc.
In a way you are kind of special. You have been forced to see the ridiculousness of the culture you live in, and now you have no choice but to come to terms with it, as your skin will never change. You are young, and the world is slowly changing. I beg you to try to keep a strong core, know who you are and resist hating yourself and your predicament!
You are not a product, not a piece of property to be passed between men. You are part of the new generation in India that is slowly breaking away from these old misogynistic, racist and classist restrictions. Somewhere in the world, nobody cares what colour you are. Somewhere, you are beautiful. But what matters now is that you keep strong!
PS Im so glad you have decided not to use whitening creams. You are awesome :)
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 i cant change the way people act with you but believe me it cant last forever . . . bolly wood may be your home but believe me there a a MASSIVE world out there your beautiful just the way you are and nothing else matters peoples opinions are neither desired nor required when it comes to your beauty
if it really effexts you how people view you leave. . . if you really are unhappy leave you will find happiness somewhere else you cant have missery in your life . . for your whole life it will end sometime you just have to help defeat it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Do not change who you are for no one. You were created to look like this you are beautiful and dont let anyone tell you other wise, It shouldn't be about looks anyway ? You seem such a lovely girl please try not to focus on your looks too much, look at your other qualities god has given you and appreciate them. There are thousands of fake pretty girls, but you are beautiful inside and out dont let anyone put you down! I get greif as I have very fair skin so I feel your pain. Your soul-mate is out there somewhere who will love and take you for who you are. Your still young I'm assuming so give love time. You will get through this good luck ! xxxx
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