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anonymous
writes: My Husband Has Been Having an Affair With My SisterI have been with my partner for almost 7 years, but we have only been married for 18 months. Everything before we got married was rosy. We have been extremely happy and almost never quarrel about anything. He is quite extrovert and likes to drink, but when he does he binges and ends up passing out. I usually know when I have had enough and go to bed, leaving him to party on. Over the past 12 months we have had a lot of life events happening, changes in job for him and my mum being diagnosed with lung cancer; so it has been a very stressful time. I noticed that he has been more and more distant until at Christmas I confronted him about his attitute toward me - that he was giving me no attention. About this time, I noticed that he was spending more and more time chatting to my sister. Of course because of the time of year we had lots of family get togethers and she, like him, is a binge drinker, so of course, I would go to bed and they would stay up drinking. I had my suspicions that something was going on, but thought I was being stupid and that I could trust them. It turns out that I was being naive and that they had been having an affair for about 3 months.He is still with me and has promised not to see her again. The problem is that I love him so much I want him back, but he is very distant towards me. How can I make him love me again?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kiv, writes (11 February 2005): You're hurting yourself. Stop it.Forget about making him love you. He's pretty lucky that you're allowing him to sleep in your house. He did what he did and he knew what he was doing. I'll bet he got a hell of a thrill doing it too. Sisters . . . how fun is that?Do I sound rude? Yes, of course. It's my intent. I'm a guy, and I'm no angel. But it makes me sad to see women so torn up about the evil of men and to think that they could possibly, even without the aid of the man, turn it into their own fault. I don't understand.Have some dignity. Respect yourself. It's not on you to make things right. You didn't sleep with his sister. If you want your relationship with him that badly, then have it. But know that HE hurt YOU. And he disrespected your entire family. If he's distant, he's either ashamed, or pissed that he got caught. Or, maybe he regrets marrying you and not your sister. Who knows? Send his @ss to AA, introduce him to the couch, and never let your sister into your house again.'nuff said
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