A
female
age
30-35,
*x-Scorpio-xX
writes:Ok, I’m very nearly 16 and go to an all-girl’s school. I’m in my last year there (yr11) and will be leaving in June to go to another school to do A-levels. So basically, there’s this one teacher who I absolutely love. We have loads in common, and she is my favourite teacher ever. The only thing is that I think she’s around her early 40’s, making an age gap of about 28 years. As far as I know, she’s not married and I’m pretty certain she doesn’t have kids. To me, she has a great figure, and is pretty, however to others, I don’t think she would be classified like that. I have fancied her since February. I don’t feel embarrassed or blush when talking to her, and I can act as myself. She seems to like me (as a student) and some people in my class think I’m her favourite student. I’ve looked all over this site for information, and it has been helpful, but still not entirely. Is it wrong to be with someone so much older than yourself? I know this is so much more than a crush. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve had a lot of crushes but they only lasted about a month or so. When I was reading about crushes before, it was mentioned that the ‘crush’ often seemed like a perfect role model, and was in a good light continuously with the person who fancied them. They have a perfect body and are perfect in every way. To stop fancying them, you had to see them in a bad way-their true self. The thing is, when I fantasize about this amazing woman, I imagine her naturally how she really is, and not with a perfect figure. I can imagine ‘imperfect details’ and they don’t put me off her. Thinking about her like that (natural) makes me fall even more deeply. Also I don’t just fantasize about sexual things. I can imagine perfectly ordinary activities, such as simply sitting down reading or even just talking for ages about anything. I could seriously imagine living with her and having a relationship with her despite the age gap. What other people might think wouldn’t bother me. n my eyes, everything about her seems perfect.Finally, the problem! At the end of the year (June), I’ve decided that if I still feel this way about her, then I will confess my feelings, but I’m just really worried of how her reaction would be. I was thinking of going on my last day at the end of the day so no-ones around. She thinks I’m straight and I’m certain I am (except for this). I’ve discussed this with one of my closest friends, and they said that she wouldn’t be mean or anything and she might even be slightly flattered. But should I tell her, or will everything be awkward afterwards? I thought telling her at the end of the year would be best because if it was a bad reaction, then we would never have to see her again, and I wouldn’t be ruining her job. I feel as if she needs to know, because if I never tell her, I may regret it later on in life. What would be the best way to tell her? Giving her a letter? Face to face? Anything else? Or simply not at all? Please can you help me? I’m also interested in your personal experiences on this matter.Thanks for reading this! :)
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female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (12 July 2009):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am just writing to say thank you to everyone for your really good advice. I told her the other day and she took it really well and she was very flattered, ^_^ sadly i didn't get to say everything i wanted to as another teacher walked in! but i am still happy i managed to tell her. Thanks again for all the help. :)
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
Well the school will have a policy on keeping in touch with former pupils.
They wouldn't be very happy if a teacher started shagging one of their students the day after they left so they will have a rule on how much contact is appropriate.
You'd have to ask one of the senior staff to find out what your school had in place.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (21 May 2009):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmilysanswers, thank you for the quick response! ?
What is the "schools policy on keeping in touch with former pupils". i've never heard of that before....
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
She will probably mention it to someone to cover her back.
She won't get in trouble for something you do so that is fine.
She would only get in trouble if she broke the school policy on keeping in touch with former pupils.
If you are never going to see her again then the worst that will happen is that you will make her feel awkward and not want to keep in touch with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (21 May 2009):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again! I still feel extremely strongly about my teacher, so i really want to tell her at the end of my last day next month. The only thing that is bothering me is that i was wondering if she would get into any trouble or would she have to tell someone about it such as the head teacher, even though i won't be going to that school anymore after my last day - only for results in August.
Any responses will be appreciated! Thanks,
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (25 December 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I'll send you the note later, i can't right now.
Sorry, i'm really bad at reading ages. Much older than me though. I know she's almost been married twice too, but hasn't. At least, i dont think she is.
No she didn't say anything about that. I think it was awkward enough, 'coz i didn't really know what to say even though i was expecting having to talk to her. I think she must have felt a bit uncomfortable too, because she said she was shocked because it was really unexpected.
xx
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (20 December 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionaww. Congratulations! I'm happy for you! I hope my teacher has a good reaction too!!! Waht did you write on the note? something really long and complicated or something simple such as 'i love you'?
She's right you were brave to do that. I'll probably be hanging outside her room for half an hour trying to get the courage! It's something i definately want to do though! One thing, how old is your teacher? Also did she say anything about being straight/bi etc or possibly being with her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): [By the way i'm the person in the similar situation again]
I told my teacher! Via a note 'coz i was too nervous. I was expecting her to want to talk to me the next day (our last day before xmas). I thought maybe my form tutor would tell me in registration to go and see her at break or something but my teacher came to see ME at break.
She was really nice about it, just like, 'You were very brave thank you for telling me etc etc'. Caused a bit of trouble in my 'group' though 'coz i wouldn't tell them what it was about, seeing as they didn't know i had a crush on her in the first place. I've decided i don't really care now though so i'm going to tell anyone who asks really.
I still can't beleive i actually told her though. I keep thinking i imagined it or something. Or imagining how it could have gone better, but i can't really change things now so i try not to dwell on that too much.
Good luck if you are goung to tell her and i hope this helps (and doesn't put you off.) it shouldn't i think it went ok, it could have gone so much worse!
xx
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (10 December 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments!:)Yep we are in a similar situation!
I think i will be able to tell her. I feel confident enough to tell her right now but, i'm not going to until i'm about to break up because i don't want her to act weird around me and harm her job, when we already have quite a good relationship with each other.
I think i've decided that i want to tell her face-to-face. That way i can see her honest reaction. If i get too nervous around the time though, i'll probbaly give her a letter. Either way, I really hope she takes it well...
p.s; I know for certain now that she doesn't have kids and is not married....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I also attend an all girls school and fancy my english teacher (except i'm in year 9 and it is only a crush). I feel like i really want to tell her,because she's not like all the other teachers and you feel you can really talk to her, but also i don't want to because it's not the end of the year and i'll still be going to the same school and stuff. Also i probably wouldn't even have the courage! If you feel comfortable with telling her and you are going to leave the school then maybe you can tell her. xp.s: Just wanted to say that your teacher sounds alomst the same as mine, with the whole being older, easy to talk to, might be slightly flattered thing. I was planning on giving her a note but i've decided (for the time being anyway) not to. My friend thinks i really really shouldn't and yeah.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I also attend an all girls school and fancy my english teacher (except i'm in year 9 and it is only a crush). I feel like i really want to tell her,because she's not like all the other teachers and you feel you can really talk to her, but also i don't want to because it's not the end of the year and i'll still be going to the same school and stuff. Also i probably wouldn't even have the courage!
If you feel comfortable with telling her and you are going to leave the school then maybe you can tell her.
x
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (27 October 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I'll try. :) Luckily she's very open with people and usually talks about herself in front of the class anyway. :)
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 I don't think there is any particular way to get to know that. Try with chatting about her with people around you. But don't show them you love her or anything, simply chat about her like she would be anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (25 October 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the question:) Yeah, i don't want to tell her before that because i'd hate it if she started acting awkard around me.
I know she definatley likes guys, but she's never mentioned anything about females. How could i find out if she's bi or not, without being too obvious?
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl +, writes (25 October 2008):
It's great you found such a nice woman, even though she's your teacher and so much older than you. You said you are not sure if she's gay. You should find out that. The fact that she is not married and doesn't have kids, doesn't mean she's gay. A lot of straight people at her age are in the same position as she. I still think you should wait till the end of school year and then tell her.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (24 October 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you MuffinGirl. You were really helpful! There are some really good points made there. I am smart and mature. Both of our personalities are very similar, and we can make each other laugh, and i love spending time around her.
I personally find her very sexually attractive, even though she doesn't have a perfect figure and she's older. I would like to have sex with her, and have often imagined it too. A while ago, i was thinking through these points of admiring someone and even though i guess i do admire her kind of, it's definately not that which i'm feeling.
Also, I'm not sure if she's gay or not, but she does have a massive crush on an actor. I know she's got nothing against gays though....
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl +, writes (24 October 2008):
I agree with what's been written here about waiting to tell her till the end of school's year. It's not really good to jeopardize her career. But are you sure she's gay? Because i think that's your main problem. You can wait to tell her and you can be with her after finishing your current school. But will not able to be with her if she's straight. Don't be shy about telling her. I think she will understand you and as you say - you would never have to see her again.There's not anything wrong to be with someone so much older as far as they're both mature just the same. But are you? Besides that, it would be smart to not have anything with her till your 18 year. I know it would be hard. I'm wondering about one other question too. Is she's really so sexually attractive to you? Do you actually want to have sex with her?
Or do you like her because she's so smart, beautiful... and everything you want to be one day? Think about that about bit. Good luck and enjoy your love, crush or infatuation (name is unimportant, important is your feeling
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (24 October 2008):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the quick replies. I really appreciate it. :)
The thing is, i'm not sure how i would tell her after schools finished completely. I know she's kept in contact with some of her ex-pupils from other schools, so maybe i could too? But i don't know if i'm confident enough to ask her if we can ocassionaly meet up, or if she'd want to.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
You tell her in anyway you want. She will then tell the head and if you are still going to see her in school next year then they will bring your parents in to discuss how to handle it and if you need to move classes so you don't see her.
If you are leaving school and are never going to see her again then again, just tell her you really like her as more than a teacher and have real feelings for her and then she'll turn you down nicely and that will be it.
Good Luck!! xx
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