A
female
age
51-59,
*mile-even-when-your-heart-is-breaking
writes:This man is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!We get on well. Very well and always have a great time and laugh. He knows I'm strong and I won't put up with crap!!! But this thing of "does he love me does he love not" is getting kind of tiring and boring. I've never met anyone like this before. I'm a woman who always says no to a guy. Divorced my abusive ex after 14 years. Didn't date for 4 years. Met this wonderful guy who blew me away. I normally give guys a hard time if they show interest in me. It's always no, It's annoying when asked all the time. But this guy, it was yes. I couldn't believe myself. who would have thought at my age (44) would ask this boring tiring question "does he love me does he love me not" I'm too old for this sh**. He Kept saying on our first date that it was too good to be true to meet me. I think we both ended up saying the same thing and we have a bond. He's never married, he was honest when we first met to say that he has never met any one yet that he would like to marry. he's got a good life. No ties. I don't blame him. We all know some guys have commitment phobia!! LOL SELFISH B'S!He his very kind, very sweet, it was only after months that I start hearing this guy out of the blue pass remarks I like you more than you do. And then another time out of the blue you good for me.. But then I won't here from him for a few days. And then when we meet he is more affectionate than ever. He's driving me mad and I'm going to kick him to the curb very soon. I don't like men who can't speak up and tell it as it is. He's driving me mental and a challenge which I do like. He keeps me on my toes!!! Don't like men who pay too much attention as they boring!!! But I think I like him more than I think. Help does he like me or does he not!!! One minute he's all over me and the next he's cooled down a bit. What's up with that!!
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male
reader, Discostu333 +, writes (3 September 2009):
I mean this in the nicest possible way but you are acting like a lot of women I know do i.e. make it more complicated than it actually is. Who cares about 'does he love me or not', just have fun and see where it leads. Does it really matter either way?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): First suggestion I have for you is to stop using text messages to communicate with him and to tell him that you prefer he doesn't text you to send major messages, but to give you a phone call instead. Texting is a very low energy, easiest, low contact method of communication and misunderstandings can easily happen.
Secondly, you seem to want more of his time but are afraid of being bored or trapped, so I think you really don't know what it is you want from him or this relationship.
If you are seeing other men great, and no, I wouldn't tell him or ask him what he thinks about it, just go and have a good time, the point is that you are doing what you want for you and taking care of yourself. Like I said, take your focus off of him and put it on you, and focus on what you need to be happy without him, he is icing on the cake right now, not the whole cake.
Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, smile-even-when-your-heart-is-breaking +, writes (3 September 2009):
smile-even-when-your-heart-is-breaking is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou right!!! about everything. I'm too old for games. he doesn't know the guy who asked me out so many that I said no to has been in contact with me while living in another country. This man is sweet and kind too. He asked me so many times to fly over to see him. But I said no. He's arriving on Friday this week and has asked me to go out for a drink. He will be here for three weeks. The fella I'm with has no idea. I think you are right that I'd like more in the relationship than I'm claiming. But how to tell this man. I'm thinking of telling him about this other guy????? What do you think???
Let me write the text I sent to this man I'm supposed to be with and tell me if you got what I was trying to tell him
He sent me a text to say we going out on Monday next week with friends.....
this is what I wrote back
from being quiet for days to your last comment is amazing. How you do that I'll never know. Don't be fooled that your charm, good looks, and sex appeal reel me in when you display a want of me as I'm still in control. Don't be fooled at my enthusiasm that it's a sign I'm available at your beck and call. For me every time I get to see you, it's nerves and to see if yesterdays heart beat is still same. I take everything slow with an open mind..... What time are we going out XX
how do you understand that.
Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Why don't you decide what it is you want and tell him. You are too old to be anyone's girlfriend, right? What you want is happily ever after, you want him to step up and claim you as the ONE he wants to spend the rest of his life with, correct?
If you like him, but he is driving you crazy, then be your strong confident self and start letting other men pay attention to you too, even go out on a coffee date or something mild like that. Pay attention to you and what you want to make you happy and take your focus off of him.
What he needs to see is that he could possibly lose you to some other man that will step up and claim you.
I am not talking about childish trying to make him jealous games, but if you don't hear from him for a few days then don't reward him with dropping your plans to see him, be truly busy with your own life, work outs, lunches, classes, work, whatever, and turn him down flat, or tell him you can see him on this day.
If he doesn't start running after you and nailing you down, then you are taking care of yourself and meeting other men who may see you as the prize you are....it's up to you, but what other choice can you have except dumping him or giving him an ultimatum which will not get you what you want either.
If you are the commitment phobe, well then that is why you are choosing unavailable men....you decide which it is.
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