Love problems, porn he's not into me anymore!

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok, where do i start? Me and my fiance have been together for about 8 yrs. I'm turning 21, and hes 30. My fiance used to be really interested in me, always touched me, did all the little things that count, like have a romantic song playing when i walk in the door and just pull me into his arms and we would slow dance. we just recently had our daughter, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me. i can honestly admit that i have extra chub on me, and obviously stretch marks. when i was pregnant, we would go 2 months without making love. and it hurt me because we just created something beautiful together, aren't you supposed to celebrate, and maybe have more passion in your relationship because you share that bond now? it just seems like everyday that goes by, he gets less and less interested in me. we used to make love all the time, no matter where we were! he made me feel beautiful and like i had no reason to think he wants someone else. i've tried talking to him about all the little stuff he used to do, and he get's upset and says why does he still have to show that he loves me when he comes home to me every night. which, when he gets home, i feel like sometimes hes not. i've tried wearing sexy lingerie, and even not that drastic, like short shorts and a white beater with no bra to maybe catch his attention, but it rarely ever works. when it does, he just notices it, says something about how sexy i look, and then thats it. it never leads into making love. he used to get turned on by me so much, he couldnt keep his hands off me. now i find myself begging for him to touch me. or at least hold my hand. i recently found out that hes been looking at porn on the computer, which, he hasnt done in a while, he only looked at it at the beginning of our relationship. he stopped for a while, unless i didnt know about it. it was like i was enough for him. and now, since ive had our daughter, we've probably made love once a week, if im lucky, sometimes once a month, and thats usually because i say something about us not making love. he used to be so interested in my body, and explore me, and ask if i like this and he used to just lay there and look at my naked body and hold me tight after making love. now, i feel like he feels like its just work. he claims he has sleep apnea, which has never bothered him before, and he also claims he might have low-t. but, he gets hard, like i'll be "playing with him", and he would just fall alsleep, and he'd be hard. he never did that before until just lately. i hate that he looks at porn. i think i would look at it different if he payed more attention to me sexually. i feel like he cheated on me when i found the porn sites on the computer. i know im not half as pretty as they r. when i ask him why he looks at it, most the time he says i dont know, one time he said he looked at it to get ideas for us. but how is he doing that when he looks at lesbian and groups? i try being freaky in bed, but i feel like its not enough because he acts like he doesnt stay interested. im tired of trying to put myself out there and getting rejected. i can say, that i am very horny, ecspecially when i was pregnant, and i understand that some guys get turned off by preg. woman, and they might be scared they are hurting the baby, but what about now? we never had a problem with sex before our child. i mean, why does he take the energy to search for naked slutty hot chicks to look at but not the energy to look at me? i even took some sexy pictures of me, and he doesnt even know where they are. he hid them somewhere, but, why can he go thru the effort of searching porn on the internet but not take the effort to look for my pics. when he looks at porn, it makes me feel like im not enough, ugly, and i think he thinks about the sluts when he makes love to me. ive had to say something about his eyes being closed when we make love. he used to look deep in my eyes, and i could tell he loved me. he says he loves me and doesnt want anyone else. ive asked him to stop looking at the porn and try to spend more time on me, which i hope doesnt sound selfish, but when your in a relationship, your allowed to want to make love to your partner alot, right? and then, ive found hes just getting better at deleting the history. it wouldnt be that big of a deal, if he paid attention to me sexually. i dont know what to do. i tell him how i feel about the porn and how its a turn off to me, ive tried watching it, and i just think its nasty and wrong for someone in a relationship to want to look at other people f****ing. and he just sees it as me trying to tell him what to do. i am so sexually frustrated its not even funny. i cant even please my self, it doesnt do anything for me. he even says when he watches the porn that he doesnt jack off to it. ???? then why watch it. i figure, if you can have the real thing, like me, then why watch porn. i guess thats why i feel like im not enough for him anymore. i find myself thinking things i probably shouldnt, like looking in the mirror and finding everything thats wrong with me, thinking maybe thats why hes not interested in me anymore and just wanting to tear my face and fat and stretchmarks off me. i just feel like i cant compare to the women on porn. if your single and you have no one, then i dont see any problem in watching it. but when your in a relationship, and your not showing any sexual interest in your partner, your actually showing more interest in porn, then that just really hurts. i feel like i cant get him to understand where i am coming from. he tries to tell me that i can only control how i feel, which to an extent, i agree, but if he didnt stop showing interest in me, then i wouldnt even be thinking these thoughts. this last time i found out that he was looking at porn, again, which he has promised everytime that he would stop and he understood how i felt about it, i told him that if i catch him looking at it again, i was going to leave him. it just feels like everytime he looks at it, it breaks me apart more and more. its like the more he looks at it, the less he looks at me. i sometimes wonder if he really loves me, because our relationship is nothing like it used to be. he asked me why would i want to change him, meaning when i asked him to stop looking at porn. well, does that mean that porn is who you are? is it that big of a deal to have to look at other naked women? i guess i dont have one specific question, i just need advice. ive gotten to the point where i despise porn. i feel like i could just scream, which ive tried, doesnt help, just temporary. i would find, as soon as i leave, he would get on the computer and look at porn. its like he cant wait for me to leave to look at it. it hurts me mentally, bad. i feel like i am the ugliest person on earth. he says he will pay attention to me more, but, we still make love like once a week, if that. its like a routine, i miss not knowing we were gonna make love. i mean, we go to bed, and its either he falls alsleep before i can even get in bed, or he gets on top of me to make love. what happen to the four-play. i asked him to explore my body, touch me, anything, and his comment to that was ive already explored your body, well damn, does that mean youve gotten tired of my body. and he wonders why i think the way i do. i love him with all my heart, and cant imagine wanting someone else. i can honestly say that i dont check out other guys or pass a guy, and think, oh hes hot. im oblivious. why would i do that when i have the man that i want for the rest of my life, no one can compare to him, i love him so damn much. i dont feel like i have to look at porn, so why does he? he never gives me a straight answer on why he looks at it, he says he doesnt turn him on, so why does he look at it then. i think he just says that because he knows it hurts me that another girl can turn him on more than me, which is sad, cause shes on a screen and can turn him on more than me standing infront of him naked. i could just go on and on, so i will stop, and hopefully someone can help me. i just feel like im getting deeper and deeper into depression as the days go on. please, help, any advice....

View related questions: bra , cheated on me, fiance, horny, lesbian, porn, sexually frustrated, stretch marks, the internet

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