A
female
age
41-50,
*ap23
writes:I have been dating this guy 9 weeks now and he is really loving and affectionate with me when we are together. My worry is that he seems to be not wanting to see me as much any more and days he is really busy. We were seeing each other every other might and now its once or twice a week. He texts me every night and treats me lovely when we are together but I feel he isn't as keen as he was. Sex is amazing with him and he cuddles me all night. He says he wants to see me but is struggling for time. Is this a vop out or is it me being too needy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2017): No, you are not too needy. You have certain feelings and expectations and they are all valid. How you feel is never needy. They are just your feelings and we are all entitled to them.Now, it is a new relationship. Very new. I have been with my boyfriend for four years and I still panic if he seems distant or is not able to spend more time with me or sees me less than usual or communicates less than usual; the list goes on. So, whether it's new or old, we women do tend to worry more about the relationship and the man pulling away at certain times.Some men get busy and place their focus away from you while they are busy. It is just their way. So, that can't be changed. You need to roll with it and deal with it without assuming the worst. Men are better able to compartmentalize and focus on tasks. Women are able to multi task and still able to continue to nurture the relationship, even if they are busy. They thrive on juggling numerous balls in the air. Men do not. They focus on one thing at a time. So, if he is busy, it is not meant to be taken personally like he doesn't like you anymore or does not want to spend time with you anymore. Just take it at face value. He is busy now. But when he is less busy, he will have more time again. If you are patient and understanding and sit tight, and let this ride, he will respect you and appreciate you for understanding. And this builds up the relationship over time. Compromise. Understanding. Giving that person space and freedom to also live their lives. When you are in a relationship, you are not joint at the hip. If you became busy and needed to rearrange things for a certain time, would you not want him to understand and patiently wait for you to resume a normal schedule?The problem is that although he says he is busy, this is what it appears to be. We women get emotional and read between the lines when maybe there is nothing to read. And sometimes our innate gut instinct is telling us something is wrong or off.It could be that our guard is coming up again. We are trying to not get hurt. So, we tend to create all these scenarios in our heads as to why he is so busy. Is he telling the truth? Is it because he doesn't care about me anymore? Maybe after 9 weeks, he is rethinking our relationship? Maybe he found another woman? All these ideas run through our minds. It can be torture. And this is why we ask them to clear the air, and find out where things stand. In part to ease our minds and to stop the worry.So, what I suggest is to wait it out. It is too early to say he has lost interest IF that is the case.You are jumping to conclusions much too soon.You can tell him you miss him and wish you had more time together. And look forward to spending time with him. But tell him you understand, that we all get busy sometimes.Then you will need to leave it up to him the next time he contacts you. I know it's hard. But if you give him his space, he will appreciate it more. In the meantime, keep yourself busy. You can send him thinking of you messages periodically but leave him be. Just let him know you are still there and the rest will be up to him. Once he frees up time, if he is really into you and if this relationship is meant to continue, he WILL contact you.Worry doesn't help a thing. What will be will be. So, try to be positive in the meantime.Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 9 weeks is still a very short time so maybe things where progressing to fast for him. Talk to him and see if all is okay. Does he work, when he says he is busy could he be telling the truth? If he still seems keen then maybe he just wanted to slow things down a bit.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (10 May 2017):
 He is definitely reducing his contact with you but for what reason. It may be that he cannot keep up the level of sex you have enjoyed so far. However if he loves you he would surely still want to be with you.
Presumably you share interests? These can be lifeblood to a relationship.
If he is too busy to see you then I think it speaks worlds. To sum up I think he has gone off the boil. He doesn't want you. He wants occasional sex.
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