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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. I dont no what to do. I'm 18 [virgin and proud!] But my boyfriend who I love keeps giving me sighns that he wants me to have sex and we'v only been going out for 3 mounths! We were bestsfriends for 2 years but we fell in love. I dont want to have sex with him yet what should I tell him?One day probably but I feel like I'm not ready and all we'v done is kissed and he keeps growping my breasts. [Men so typicall ^^) lol] Is there anything elss we could do instead of sex? Thanks for any comments! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys have realy helped =] x
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (23 August 2008):
You and your B/F need to make sure you understand each other's beliefs about the significance of sex, when sex is appropriate or permissible, etc. Is it something people can do whenever they don't have anything else to do - much like they might watch TV or shoot baskets? Or is it something that should only be done by married people - in the dark - as quickly and quietly as possible - and once (per child)?
You don't necessarily need to agree with each other but you need to know how each of you truly feel about it. It is best to have this discussion in a neutral environment, perhaps even conduct it through email or written notes, rather than talk about it while sitting in his parked car or while your parents are in the next room.
Then you need to come to some kind of an agreement about what kind of standards you will observe as a couple. This may take some compromise by one or both of you. Neither of you needs to justify your position with any argument other than "I don't want to do that." Eventually you must agree and respect whatever limits you decide on. Otherwise your relationship will deteriorate into a constant struggle, repeated arguments, etc. Eventually, one of you will probably "give in" just to keep peace - and a few weeks later your relationship will be old history.
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male
reader, pursuit of happiness  +, writes (23 August 2008):
I think you are on the right track, just let your brakes do their thing naturally, its pretty much impossible to "accidentally" have sex when the girl is not ready.
Mind you, it sounds like you are getting close enough that you should have some protection available just in case. Also first time sex is not usually best done on the spur of the moment, it would be okay to plan for it in advance, maybe book a hotel room so you won't be interrupted and talk about sex throughly before hand to build trust. As it sounds like you do want to have sex, this is probably the way to go.
There are plenty of things you can do before full blown sex - but you will find it hard to hold off full blown sex forever once you go down that route.
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Hi there, Thanks for the response, now I can try to answer as best I can. Postively, absolutely, you can be closer without having sex. It is called being intimate, you learn more about the person, their inner thoughts, where they want to go in life, their views on life, the things that go on in the world. I am good friends with a gentleman who is married, there is no romance in our relationship, but we talk and talk about everything and anything, we get upset with each other, I tell him off, he gets angry, I
get angry and we get back together as buddies, I don't think he can talk to his wife like that but he loves her to pieces and we just love talking to each other every now and then. Learn to talk to your guy about any and everything, and him the same, do little things that will surprise him, you bring him a single rose sometime, unexpected pleasures.
Delve down deep and share things with each other, sex does not have to be a part of it, your relationship will grow, and at some point, the sex will just flow naturally, if you want it too, there is no emergency for that to happen, before you wish. Draw closer to him, on a human level, and really get to know him. learn how to get ultimate pleasure out of just holding hands. If you don't want to arouse him, you have to stay out of compromising positions, your sex glands, men and womens, don't always co-operate with no. So
stay away from those darkened corners and cozy car seats.
Take care of yourself and cultivate your relationship. Stay in touch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meen in the relationship. we love each other loads but when we'r together I'm not thinking we'r alone lets have sex and most of the time neithers he coz we'l just start talking about random stuff and he'l make me laugh. Until the other day when there was no one in his house we were watchin a movie [horror] so we were cuddled up real close and we started kissin but he was different and un hucked my bra strap which insnt but then he started whispering in my ear loads of dirty things he wanted to do with me and I did as well but not yet! I dont feel like hes presuring me I feel bad that I'm not there to satisfie his needs! I do feel like hes "the one" but think the relationship shud get more serious first before I give up my virginity. Is it possible to get more serious without sex? x
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (22 August 2008):
 My bf waited for eight months before we did it. He should respect your wishes.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): I'm glad that you are taking your time and not just going out and having sex with someone the moment you meet them and not being pressured to do something you don't want to do. On the other hand a relationship is emotional as well as physical and no one male or female is going to wait forever until their partner want to take it to the next level. Only thing I can tell you is to talk to him about it and see where his head is at.
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 August 2008):
Hi, I have to ask you, when you say what should be the next step, specifically what do you mean? The next level of your relationship? Is that your question, if it is not, please be as specific as you can be. Yhank you. I await your response. Thanks.
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male
reader, pursuit of happiness +, writes (22 August 2008):
You shouldn't feel pressured to have sex. On the other hand you shouldn't fell pressured not to either, especially when you are 18. I suspect there is something holding you back, perhaps your boyfriend is not being sensitive enough to your fears and concerns about first time sex. Also perhaps you are not happy with him and are really looking for someone else, when you meet the right person, sex usually comes naturally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx! You'v helped alot. We do badminton together occasionally and do stuff like ice skatting and cinema which is realy great. But we have'nt done anything elss sexually. I'd say I'm closer with him than any of my other ex-boyfriends but I dont no whats wrong hes amazing kind funny good luckin yet I dont no wot our next step shud be. Do you have any ideas?
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female
reader, carol3232 +, writes (22 August 2008):
You should be very happy that you are still a virgin and 18! i am too!! Well there are alot of things that you can do but you need to avoid some things. Try not to be alone with him like at his or your house becuase in his mind he is think "yes we are by our selves lets do somthing". so if your not ready dont put your self in the positon to provoke. You gys should go places where there are lots of people and besacally the only thing you can do is tell him that your not ready plain and simple! He will have to understand. And the biggest mistake that you can make is base your descion on him in loosing your virginity or not becuase if your not ready then your just not ready dont let anyone try to persuade you diffrent!
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (21 August 2008):
Hi there, I can feel for you. No pun intended. Your boyfriend feels that the way to express love and other things is to have sex. It is up to you to take him some place neutral, not the bedroom, and explain to him why you are not ready to have sex yet, you can do it. I would take the time to write down my reasons, and sound them out on yourself. It is your right to do with your body what you want, not what someone else wants, even if you love them to pieces. You are a great exception these days. which is quite refreshing, stand your ground, my uncle once told me when I was feeling my hormones, and around sixteen, that a lot of men only want a pressure release, these are the random ones, and once that has occurred they go on to the next chase. This does not sound like your boyfriend, but it is a part of it. Men have strong libidos most of the time, women have to slow them down. If he loves you, he will wait until you are ready, if and when that time comes. Things you can do, they include a myriad of diffrent activities. Do either of you play tennis, start playing, buy two racquets and get to the court, great stress reliever. How about visiting older people together and helping them by running errands, might sound boring, but the older people will appreciate it. Go mountain climbing, low lying mountains. :o). Go fishing together, find some political clubs to get involved in and start to help the campaigns together. Get into photography together, join a photography club. Collect food for food banks together. Learn how to ski or water ski, make sure you wear your suntan lotion.
Start collecting books from neighborhood people to give to hospitals together. Finally stay out of compromising positions and places. If you are going to pet, you will only torture him, so lessen the pressure on him as well.
But most of all, explain fully why you want to wait, one thing that I used to tell my boyfriends when I was dating was this, so where do we go after we have had sex, what do we now look forward to, more and more sex and possible pregnancy? It usually got them thinking. and off my back so to speak about, sex, sex, sex. Stand up for yourself, and when you are ready, that's the time to let him know as I said if ever. If you have made a committment to yourself that you want to wait for marriage tell him, but make him understand that you are not trying to force him into any marriage situation either. You will get through this and he will understand, if he cares. Take care and stay in touch. Hope this has helped you a little.
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