A
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*ordo
writes: I have been married a little over a year after a divorce from a 35 year marriage. We are both madly in love with each other and spend every minute we can together, we just can't seem to get enough of each other. I moved to a new city to enable her to stay at her job, I am retired and she has lived here all her life. She has alot of longterm friends that get together now and then, I have not established much of a social network and really don't care to, having friends and family elsewhere. The problem is that on the rare times that she wants to go out with her friends I become very lonesome and anxious without her. I totally trust her and want her to interact with her friends, I just become depressed when I am not with her regardless of the situation. She also tells me she is has mixed feelings on going out without me, we just don't want to be apart. Is this unhealthy or unusual and if not what mindset can I use to alleviate the feelings I have? Are we too connected to each other?
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reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Its not unhealthy to want to spend all of your free time with the person that you are in love with.
I think really her ambivalent feelings might be allayed if she included you with her friends sometimes. Just so you can go out with her. In a way you can share her with her friends, and she can share her friends with you.
Its very hard as you get older to be alone. When we're young, time isn't a big deal, as it seems we have so much of it coming our way. As we get older, time is shorter and we want to make the most of it all of the time.
I think probably you experience a great deal of joy and serenity being with your new wife. And I am guessing that she has a big heart for you too.
The anxiety you are experiencing is simply the fear that she might not come back for any reason, which though unfounded is a problem.
One of the things you could do is as I said, sometimes, not every time, go out with her and hang out with her friends. And maybe, kind of meet some new people in your area so that when she's out alone with her friends, you an take up your time doing something else with your new acquaintances.
Then when you come home and she's home or vice versa, you both have something to talk about. And of course, enjoy each others' company.
I wish it would be that easy for everyone. In our youth we have to work hard to support our families and we get robbed of that special time. When we're older, time is so short that we want to squeeze every second out of it so that we can enjoy life finally.
Its a paradox.
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