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anonymous
writes: I (40)have been in a relationship with my partner (26) for 16 months and we both run a successful business in a foreign country. We have moved through many stressful situations as we have both been struggling to make ends meet ie rent/car payments etc etc. We have always believed in each other and loved each other through all adversities, however over this period the business has taken over our relationship as individuals and we both rarely enjoy any level of deep intimacy. Our level of communication has also dropped to an all time low,which was extemely good when we first met.The stress has taken its toll in many ways for both of us and has distorted our feelings for each other to the point that now she has decided to leave me and be on her own. We both live in different houses and still run the business and now feel much happier as individuals. She says she still loves me and I'm the only guy she ever got really close to, however her love is not the same as before, as in the past I often rejected her advances feeling unable or unworthy of her love. Presently I have had much time to think about what we had and feel deeply saddened by the way it has all ended. We see each other regurlarly and she often refers to her new life and other dates...she's even told me shes slept with someone else when I tried to offer my regret for what has happened. I have told her how I feel and that I still feel and always have felt a deep love for her to the extent I would want to marry her. However she still seems insistant that we won't work and that she doesn't see a future with me. I am feeling confused with her indifference and want us to try our love again, this time differently and with a more balanced approach. Being together 24/7 for 16 months without any holidays is a recipe for disaster I know but we worked so hard to get to where we are and now we are not together I am in deep remorse and really want to commit 100%. I see my mistakes and have admitted to them. How can I win her back and why is she so insistant that we aren't right for each other?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):
Sounds like you have let her down a lot. Maybe she would rather end things than take the risk of you letting her down again. All you can do is lay your cards on the table. Tell her EXACTLY how you feel, listen to her, ask for one last chance if she says no, you will have to respect her wishes that she wants to move on.
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reader, cordy14 +, writes (21 June 2005):
I think that you need to give your ex some space. You said that you both felt happier as individuals since the breakup so why rush back in to something that made you unhappy. If you give her some space but stay in her life as a good friend then she may start to see the quality's that she first fell in love with.
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reader, Cutie_pie1990 +, writes (21 June 2005):
Heya,well things don't sound like they are going too well for you at all at the moment.You said you have told her how you feel, but have you told her that you want to commit 100%? Because you rejected her before she might be afraid of rejection again. To start off you should try and talk to her about anything you can, her weekend,what shes got planned for the summer etc. This will encourage her to open up with you and get the conversation flowing.Then it's down to you, be yourself convince her you've changed and that you now want to be with her 100%, this wil help to make her feel more secure and like she can trust you.It won't happen over night, but keep on with it and hopefully things will work out for you.Good luck, i hope things go well for you.Best wishesRobynxxxxx
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