A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please forgive me for the length of my story.Hello DC. I am in need of some help. I normally can fight all this off but I'm to the point that it's eating me alive.I have an amazing(or I thought) boyfriend. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. We had our problems, He was seriously ADDICTED to porn... Like he could not move out of bed till he watched it. So after a rough battle I got him to give it up. Not only for him but for our relationship. During this time and to now, He has had a rough time living with me. I ask for a man who can get a job and support his own weight. I understand if it's hard to find when you first move out here but 2 years is kinda odd. Then when I figured he could not get a job I asked him to clean the house while I worked. No such luck. He spends his time on xbox or the new laptop I got. When all this is going on my Mother (Whom I hold very close to my heart) is sitting there talking sh*t of him. I work hard everyday, I come home,clean house, Play with my child, then cook dinner, clean the dishes, please my boyfriend, go to sleep. During this time I do get help from him. Sometimes he will do anything for me. Like one month he helped me out so much. But then he will stop for 4 months. It's a huge battle with this guy. My mother's boyfriend's friend won the lotto, and My mother and her boyfriend want to hook me up with him. At first i thought it was a joke but as time went on found out it's not. To me I feel sick to my stomach to me that is down right backstabbing and rude to do to anyone. Then just meeting the guy would be cheating (I will not meet him). As all this was going on inside my head, My boyfriend is treating me horrible. 6 years ago I was raped, The man who did that gets out in 4 more months. I have been freaking out about it. (Yes I understand it's been 6 years but I was 14 hard time for me.) Well my boyfriend was talking to his "friend" whom I hate like no other. He told his friend what was happening. Sure enough jokes come out. Firstly I do not think it was right for him to tell my story that took me forever to get over. Then to make jokes of my misery. It hurt me so much. I have been nothing but depressed since. I can barely eat and my mother will freak out and panic cause I suffer with anorexia. To top off my list. I found out the phone that I bought him he has been using to get porn! He was doing so well I supported him on everything. I was his shield against everyone. I made sure he had everything he needed and want.Please Dear Cupid.. I do not know what to do. Just talking about this makes me sick. I want help. I need it please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI honestly really have no idea.
Things have just gotten worse as well. We got in a fight about him talking to his friend (she is a girl). Normally that would not be a problem I am a very jealous person but I am not as bad as it comes off.
With him, whenever he gets back in contact with his past friends. I deal with some unwanted drama. I get people writing me and calling me such horrid names. Going threw stuff I do not have too. He sits there and just says I am the one feeding the fire. I know I shouldn't write back and most of the time I don't, the problem lies in reading it. I hurt cause of it.
So with this past fight, he told me if I can not except his past then I can not him. he turned it all around. I told him what really hurts is that he is willing to throw away everything we have for this girl. I know I am a wrong person. I understand that I am stupid with my choices. But I would at lest like him to make me feel some what better.
I am sorry. I feel like I am doing a pity party for myself. I am just so scared,confused,hurt,etc. Anything that could fall under that category.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Why oh why oh WHY are you still with this man?
You can not "save" this man. He is not going to magically turn around and become the supportive, active, respectful partner you want him to be. You didn't mention how old he is - maybe he just needs to do a LOT more growing up (all though I wouldn't stay around waiting for him to), and if that's what he needs then he's not going to have room to do it while you "work hard everyday, I come home, clean house, Play with my child, then cook dinner, clean the dishes, please my boyfriend, go to sleep." He's jobless and useless. You are giving him a free ride and full service.
And you say that he helps for 1 month and then leaves you hanging for 4? Girlfriend, he's got the best deal in the universe. He's figured out that biannually he gets off his lazy butt and helps you out a little bit, and then he's smooth sailing for the next season. This is CRAP!!
Don't even get me started on the insensitive rape conversation. What gentleman, what good boyfriend cracks jokes about something so personal and traumatic to the one they supposedly love? How horrible, sweetness, I'm so sorry. You are bigger than their thoughtless, cruel behavior. Smile because you are stronger and more beautiful than this barnacle of a boyfriend you're with and the situations that tarnish your past.
There is absolutely no reason to stay with this guy that I can see. You deserve a man who can be a partner to you, a role model for your child and healthy in his own life. That ain't this guy. You need a boost of confidence and a dose of reality - you are better than this, and you deserve better than this. Good luck!!
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