A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a mentally, emotionally and yes occasionally abusive relationship. My husband has an extensive background of child, sexual and emotional abuse by family members that has created trust issues in all of his relationships. He also has a history of drug (meth) abuse which doesn't help matters either. I have known my husband for several years but when we got together he had been clean for two years (straight out of prison) and had given his life to the Lord. His circumstances on parole led him back into dabbling with this drug which is where I can recall our troubles began. This drug makes him very sexual in ways that just aren't right and he likes to talk to me about things that aren't right and if I don't go along then he makes my life hell until he sober's up. Long story short, these conversations have lead back into the sober life and he constantly accuses me of the stupidest, not normal things. Aside from all of that he constantly puts me down and I find that one minute he is sweet and sincere and the next he acts like he hates me and treats me like the biggest piece of trash. I have tried to leave on several occasions and he begs me back promising to change and taking all of the blame for the issues in our relationship. Sometimes the change last for weeks and others it last for a day. But the point is that it never last indefinitley. I feel like I am in an emotional prison and I am not enjoying life. I am miserable. I want him to leave but then he says I have to give him time to save money for a place. We rent on a month to month basis and the lease is in mine, my moms and my husbands name. And yes I do have a 14 year old son (not his) involved in this as well. Sometimes I beleive he wants to change because he is so sincere but then he reverts back to the old habits. He uses this drug about once a month and says it is his way of relaxing. Obviously it isn't relaxing to me and puts my life in termoil. My question is how do I get the strength to leave and how do I handle the obligation I have to my home. I am the type of person who doesn't like conflict and will be passive and the peacemaker just to avoid it. he raises his voice and the hair stands up on the back of my neck. It's when i do stand up to him that things get physical. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): First of all before you have an obligation to your husband you have an obligation to yourself and to your son. What kind of influence has this had on your son?? He is at such a vulnerable age and to be surrounded by a destructive step-father and a mother that is unsure of herself, what kind of hell is he living???My first advice would be to see an attorney. Your attorney will probably suggest a legal separation and possibly a restraining order against your husband. This might be the only way to remove your husband's name from the lease on the apartment. But, please talk to an attorney to find out your options.Your husband is a grown man. Despite his childhood tramas he is no longer a child and has to take responsibility for his actions. Maybe with a lot of time and treatment for his problems he will be able to be a better husband and step-father but perhaps he won't get there and you need to consider this possibility too. Your sole responsibility is the happiness and security of you and your child.Good luck, and please see an attorney.
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