A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone and thanks for taking the time to read my question. I'll try to keep this as brief as I can. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and love him madly. I'm never happier than when I am with him just cuddling and laughing at silly things that no-one else would really understand. He lives close to me but we are at different universities during the term time. Well, he has been at university for a year and I am starting at a different one five hours away this year. He has already said that he will visit me and vice versa so I assume that he does want to make our relationship work. Plus I travelled far away this year for several months and we survived that somehow which gives me hope. But anyway, recently I've been freaking out that maybe he is getting bored of me and would prefer to enjoy university being single and having more freedom to do whatever he wants. It's just the little things that have made me think this, even though I told him a while back about my worry and he attempted to reassure me. Maybe he just isn't as expressive with his love as I am but here are some examples of contrasts in our behaviour: 1. I constantly feel like I am the one who has to initiate when we see eachother by asking him over or suggesting we go out etc which has started making me feel clingy and annoying.2. Often when I am alone I wish that he was here with me and I'm really unconvinced that he thinks the same when he is alone!!3. He seems to want to spend a lot of free time just at home chilling out on his own whereas I would rather chill out WITH him than on my own- especially as we are going to be apart when we leave for university soon. I want to make the most of the time we have together before we have to make more effort and travel to see eachother. He doesn't seem to have thought of this :S4. This sounds so immature and stupid but I'm just trying to think of examples...sometimes I put my profile photo of me and him together, but not once has he put one of us up in the whole year of us being together- he hates the 'coupley' photos apparently!5. Recently I've been finding that he only tells me he loves me when I tell him first, whereas before it was more balanced who said it first. I want to tell him quite regularly because I want him to know, but I'm starting to feel that maybe he doesn't love me anymore. This could just be me being insecure because I was the first one to say I love you in our relationship about 7 months ago. However I believe him when he tells me he loves me normally....just recently I've had doubts because he doesn't say it as often as I would like. 6. I feel that I always want to kiss and cuddle him and although he clearly wants to kiss me too as he sometimes makes the first move, I feel that I want to kiss him more often than he wants to kiss me! I have to stop myself it is awful!!Basically, I can't work out if I'm just being insecure and silly, if I need more attention and reassurance, or if he actually IS getting bored of me. He has never been overly communicative about his feelings for me and this has started to make me wonder :S It may just be his personality because sometimes he does little really cute things/says cute things that make me happy but they are quite few and far between! Has anyone been in a similar situation? I know everyone expresses themselves differently and it could well be that I'm just more expressive than him but any advice would be appreciative? I do feel that he enjoys spending time with me when we ARE together, but I'm just freaking out and need some words of wisdom!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Think about it: You hear people talk about their failed relationships all the time: "I never saw it coming!", "I thought we had a good relationship!", etc....well, gee, is it any wonder??! It's because they weren't paying attention to their relationship, and look where it ended up!!!! So, I guess I'm saying, you can either accept your different levels of need for intimacy (find more friends hobbies to occupy your time), or you can leave him and hope that you find someone who will love you with the same level of intimacy that you need.Good luck, whatever you decide!
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