A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It is my 8 year anniversary (of being with my partner - lets say Mr A) tomorrow, and I can't help but dread the thought that he will try to propose again, because I am not ready, and will have to tell him I'm not ready...again. I met him in uni and he basically befriended me with the intention of going out with me. I was with my first serious boyfriend at the time, but we were having problems because we didn't get to see much of each other. I am slightly ashamed to say, having Mr A's attentions and company did make my relationship with my previous boyfriend (who was a comparatively honest great guy) drop away, and after 6 months I was dating Mr A. There have been several issues that almost make me feel bi-polar about our relationship. There was an age gap of about 11 or more years was the major issue that had me hiding the relationship from my friends and family for the first 8 months. The most severe was the fact that he omitted some important information for the first 5 years, namely that he was married and had 2 kids. I found out by accident. Apparently he didn't feel married so he didn't feel to tell me, especially as he knew I would run the other way as soon as I heard. He has since divorced. There is also a third issue. When I saw his passport it turns out he is 46 when he is meant to be 34, but he swears that is a mistake, and he will fix it as soon as he gets his perminant residency. I feel that he is honest to me about things from day to day, but I can't help wondering, especially when I'm down. I've not told my friends about this, as he likes to keep his past life/kids private, and I've only told 1 friend, parents, and sister, but in complete confidence. I do love him, and he is a great boy friend, but I would like to know if anyone has experienced a leopard changing his spots. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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acne, anniversary, confidence, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): I won't do the muscle checking from here, BUT it might be a good idea if you can consult with a Braingym Therapist in your area to assist you to deal with some of these issues that are haunting you;
HOWEVER, I still suggest you MOVE ON; you deserve better;
TRUST is very important in a relationship;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies Nikita and Smiles (they were very nicely written). Smiles - maybe you couldn try to muscle test his age for me? The strange thing is that I have seen his birth certificate (translated into English) with official looking stamps on it, and it states he is 35, but we have traveled together twice, and his passport says he's 46! He says it has been wrong for a long time, and he wants to fix it after he gets his residency. He thinks they got it wrong in Canada, but is this possible? Is there any way of getting someones real age without pulling a tooth? Wouldn't it be great if you could just chop a finger off and count the rings (like they do with trees). I took him to a lie detector tester (someone who works with the police sometimes, and he said that he hadn't cheated on me with his wife, but he wasn't the age he said he was. Of course I don't want him to be 46, but maybe I need to find out for sure. Any ideas how? I'm supposed to be moving in with him in a month and I'm not sure that's a good idea. I need to sort out this age issue... I understand that the real issue is trust, but I need to know if he's been lying about his age all this time. I can't just walk away with doubts that maybe he was telling the truth. Is this a case for a detective or what?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Right. If after 8 years, you don't trust him, don't know everything about him, and don't feel ready to marry him then move on.
Oh, and his passport is invalid if it's wrong. And they don't get them wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Forgive me for asking, but what are you still doing with this guy?
Why are you with this guy?
You do not trust him; after 8 years you are not ready to commit to him(which I don;t blame you, neither would I); but then what is keeping you with him?
I suggest you take stock of your situation, (you are wasting your life away).
Get out, MOVE ON; meet somebody you really and truelly love, somebody you want to share your life with; have children with; somebody you can TRUST and RESPECT;
Be kind and fair to yourself and forget about this guy!
If you don't do something now, in years to come, you will regret having wasted so much time.
Don't delay.
Go and find the "right" guy.
Good luck!
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