A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ive been with my boyfriend for 6 monthz almost 7 and im really in love with him but its not the same as before.he use to treat me really good but after awhile he started treating me really bad because of things i told him about the past n til this day he thinks bad of me. hes alwayz treating me bad,calling me names even hitting me.n he tells me thats the way hoes should b treated.n iguess eventually he said to him self what can he do about.so later on he just said since itold him those things he wants to know the truth with detail n everything.n so itold him n he still got mad...but when he brings it up everyday i would make the stories different n sometimes he would feel better then again everyday he would bring it up i would 4get what i would tell him n the story would change ...so eventually he started treating me worst because he couldnt believe me anymore,sometimes ijust dont think he loves me anymore..but he sayz he doez i think it really bothers him tht iwas with other people n the past n he tellz me why kan ibe a virgin.now i tellhim if u treat me better ill tell u the truth n iwont lie to u anymore.he is treating way better when we talk but it seemz like he haz a hard time treating good because he still thinks bad of me but he sayz hes wasting his time on me cause dosnt want 2 b with a liar but now im really telling him the truth hez still treating me good but ikno he still dosnt believe me he thinks there more to the story,idk if he lovez me or not n idont kno what 2 do anymore if he startz treating me bad again,i cry every single day 4 him,n he even told me a girl he use to love felt way better than me cause she waz a virgin.but he tells me he loves n cares about me more than he ever did someone else its just that 1 thing he wished he took away from me n thats my virginity,n ikno its stupid but hes treated me sooooo bad ive never left him n i kno ikan ijust dont want 2 n i really dont want to loose him,he told me he wouldnt leave me nomatter what n no matter how it seemz he dosnt love me he says he does love me alot,he says i just dont know.but thats the thing how do ikno when he treats me so bad.n tha only reason why i didnt tell him the truth is because how waz i supose 2 kno if he would still treat me good after i tell him the truth? but right now iz really bad because we cant see eachother right now,so its over the phone we talk n every once n a great while we see eachother when he able to see me.n i cant imagine him being or loving someone else,2 him everything iz my fault.its still more of a bigger problem than u read it,another thing is me and my boyfriend are really jelous of eachother,n ive never been the jelous type only with him. but i dont like 2 the point where he really makes me feel like everythings my fault when i kno it isnt but he makes feel like it iz.i LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART N EVERYTHING I GOT N I FEEL LIKE HEz MY LIFE. idont know what to do,I just DONT want him ever leave me,but he said he never will,n we will be together forever.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): If he is physically abusive then you need to walk away, never mind the jealousy issues.
As for the jealousy, it was his duty to cope with it. That's his half of the bargain.
It was also your duty not to lie to him about anything. Either tell a guy the truth or tell him you won't talk about it, but no lies. That's your half of the bargain.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Any man that hits you does not love you.
Period.
He doesn't respect you or love you, and it's best for you to leave and find someone who treats you like a human being, flaws and all. As long as you stay with him he will never treat you even half as well as you deserve, and by staying you are telling him that you are okay with that.
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A
female
reader, Lost81 +, writes (17 April 2010):
It's been four years of this with my other half and all I can say is leave, please leave him. You deserve better, you know this and for him to treat you like this after you gave your heart to trust him. How dare he, you should tell him "How dare you!" Who is he to judge you? I cried for several nights and wondered why the man I loved treated me like this after giving him my heart with the trust I had for him. Don't cry anymore, leave him, please. You only live once and you should be happy everyday, don't let him take that away!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 April 2010):
 First!!! What is your fault. I really don't get where people can have past experience, but then from person to person to person, experience to experience to experience, be blamed and blame themselves for experiencing something with someone else that the current partner was not present to be part of. That is taking "bad girl" to an extreme level that it needs not be taken.
Your experience with your partner began the day you began seeing him. What his past reveals and what your past reveals is not important as to the experience you two will share together. What I don't see as being appropriate is attaching your past to the current, but then being blamed for something that does not include him in the experience. If past mattered, would there be any happy couples? Would people value relationships with someone they choose to be with and love?
Look at the experience you're in now. New guy. If it doesn't last, do you think it's appropriate to be blamed or blame yourself with your new love for the experience now? This abnormal pattern needs to change. If he wants to live in your past, which is irrelevant to what you two can share together, than he's not the one for you. People experience.... that's life, and that's what you will do whether or not you choose to. Even those who shelter themselves and refrain from dating or sex until marriage, still experience. Your past is OK, it is yours and yours only, and shall not dictate the success or failure of your relationships.
The decision he needs to make, "Love you for being who you are." or "not remain part of your experience because he cannot see you past your past experience." I have a gal, who has had a negative past, one with trauma, and it bothers me from the angle of not knowing her at the time to have been able to protect her from the incidents that had happened. I also realize I cannot dwell on what I can't control. At no time have I considered her past as making her less of a person or less important to our relationship. I made a choice a long time ago that she is the one I want to share my life with, and with that choice, it's she that I want, despite of what the past may have brought.
I think you need to re look at what love really is, and if it's present in this relationship. You need to understand that true love is absent judgment of the past. It's loving you for no other reason than for you being who you are. If that's not what you're receiving, you're receiving less than what you deserve. As long as you settle for less, you're relationships won't be full as you deserve for them to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): Sweetheart, from experience a man does not have to know about your past. Some things no matter how severe are better left unsaid. I know sometimes the love in your heart wants to let it out because you love him and trust him. But now you see what happens when information is said to the wrong person. From experience it's been four years with the person I am with and to this day he still brings it up. I have no where to go and I have my daughter with me. I lost my job and everything seems to go downhill. Girl, please from the bottom of my heart, don't make the same mistake I did, the longer you are with someone the harder it is to leave.......Go and find someone that makes you laugh everyday, that supports you and wants nothing but your love and happiness in return. Leave him.
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