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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm in such a mess I don't know what to do for the best. I'm a 29yo bloke who's been in a relationship for about 3 years now. Recently I've come to the conclusion that we're treading water and not going anywhere. I confided this to the partner of a very good mate of mine and was shocked for her to not only tell me that her relationship was the same but that she had always had a "crush" on me. One thing lead to another and since then we've been meeting regularly for sex, which is fantastic. I know I need to end this. I don't want to hurt annyone, especially my partner and my mate, but I don't see any way of doing it without causing a lot of pain and hurt. I was a fool to go this way but how do I get out with the minimum of hurt? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): I am assuming you want to stay with your partner? Am I right?
I think that you could say to your friend that you have loved the time you have spent together and you don't want to hurt her but you can't take this strictly physical relationship whilst you are dating someone else. Tell her that you need to sort out your other relationship first as you don't want to drag her or your partner through something that isn't fair on either of them.
Then you need to decide about your partner. If you feel like it is not going anywhere, maybe it is time to end it and move on. Alternatively, if you want to give it a fresh start with her, you need to sit her down and talk and say that you feel like you two are treading water and how can things improve and be made better.
What you have done in cheating on your partner is not good but you want to fix it which is. People will get hurt but if you handle it in an honest and sensitive way you may be able to minimise that hurt.
Perhaps you need to take some time away from BOTH of them to assess what you really want and need at this point in your life and if things with your partner can get better and make you and her happier.
Good luck.
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