A
male
age
36-40,
*amconfused48
writes:Everything is going well, and we are in love. Just have a quick question. I told some very minor white lies in the very beginning of it. Nothing harmful, just small things to "pump" myself up I guess to make her like me. Just kind of slightly exaggerated things about my past. Didnt really think much of it at first because we weren't serious. Now I feel kind of bad for lying to her, even though it was awhile ago and they were stupid harmless lies. Nothing big at all like I said, or nothing that could hurt her.....how should I handle this. No point in bringing it up right? This girl can trust me.....should I just forget and move on with my life with her?
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 I'm sorry if I misinterpreted your before. I just couldn't believe anybody would leave a good relation over those things you'd said.
If I after all made a mistake, then I'm truly and honestly apologizing.
I'm glad to hear everything seemed to have been sorted out anyways and that you are happy again.
Have a good weekend!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): Sorry dear poster.. I guess it's probably the thanksgiving turkey that's made some people and maybe you upset..
Glad your girlfriend calmed down.. and I hope that your other secrets stay hidden, because you should have told her anything, she might not forgive you so easily the next time. Women are funny like that sometimes. One lie is one thing, other lies are another, it might make her start to distrust you in a big way...
Anyway, good luck to you and your loved ones.. I'm glad that you found some help on here and all your problems are now sorted out. Have a wonderful day, and blessings to you and your kind lady...
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Man, let's be direct. If she came back to you in the morning and said she over reacted, that means you are blowing this out of proportion. You told her you had lied, she got angry, then she forgave you. What is your problem? If your problem is the opinions you got here, well, do what's in your interest and never return to this "horrible" site.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (28 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood God...I can see it was a mistake to come to this site. This is one of the worst advice forums on the net. A dear friend? How can you be a dear friend to somebody you have never met. This is just crazy talk. Ummm and no she didnt leave me for other reasons. Maybe you didnt read my post. In fact she came back to me this morning and told me she over reacted about everything. Thanks for your horrible input. I have gotten may two decent responses on here. Everything else is condescending and insulting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): LOL, Fade...You're a riot! I loved your remark about the relaxing bubble bath! I'm still smiling!
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 November 2008):
Disclaimer: Oblivia is a very dear friend.
I think that the poster is missing something. The opinions we give here are just that, opinions. It is up to the poster to judge what his or her situation really is and act accordingly. The aunts can't be blamed for giving an opinion, since posters come here precisely looking for them.
It would be wrong if anyone tried to have us solve his/her problems. Everyone needs to think about his/her own actions and accept responsibility for them.
Have you thought, poster, that perhaps your girl had other reasons to leave you and she just found the excuse she needed when you told her about your white lies?
How white is white? What you consider a "white lie" might not be white for someone else. Let's talk about shades of gray: you said you smoked marijuana several times a week, but told her that you smoked fewer times. Some people wouldn't think that is a white lie. And then some women wouldn't give you the time of day just because you smoked. Do you see my point? You might think that this past behavior of yours is not important, and other people might think it is.
Then, I need to say that in all of my life I have never found a woman who couldn't see through me. There you are, thinking that you told her a white lie, and maybe she knew you were lying all the time.
I'm not trying to offend you. I'm telling you how I see things myself. Now, if you want to send hate mail, feel free to do it. I will simply block your messages.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): WOW! I was away for a few hours and all hell broke out! What happened???? My Goodness, I can't leave you kids alone for a minute....Just kidding! I don't want you guys mad at me!!!! So was it real or was it fake has anyone determined the truth? I feel as though I walked in on the middle of a movie! I still say honesty is the best policy!
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (27 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it wont. What she doesnt know is even more minor than what I told her. I may tell her at some point, but the stuff that was eating at me she knows. The things she doesn't know are exaggerations of the truth. So I think Im good. I havent lied to her about anything that could really hurt her. I realize this whole situation is very minor. But I just like being honest with the ones I love.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (27 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell today is Thanksgiving. THIS IS NOT A FAKE POST! I told her everything. She was very upset and told me she was leaving me. I let her cool off for a few days and she came by my place this morning. We talked, and she admitted she over reacted and took me back. She was just hurt because she told me she believe every word out of my mouth. I felt horrible and still do. Im still hiding one tiny lie from her, but I plan on keeping it that way. I told her everything else strait up, the stuff that mattered. NO none of this stuff will come back and bite me in the ass. It was all VERY VERY minor. Nothing that will ever come back to me, I know this. I never lied to the extreme about being a Vet or wounded in action(thats more than a little lie IMO). My attack on Fade was maybe a little harsh, but I felt she was attacking me personally, and I read up on her posts on this board and she does quite FREQUENTLY to other people on this board. I felt she needed called out on it. But all is good now. Its thanksgiving and theres no need to be mean. I love my girl, and I treat her like a queen. Im faithful, loving, supportive, kind, caring and will be 100% honest about everything from this day forth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Deception is not the way to begin a promising new relationship! Since I have no idea what those "little white lies" consisted of, it's difficult to say whether to come clean or to let it slide. If they are anything that can come back and bite you on the ass...I would come clean.
I was married to a man who had told countless "white lies" to "pump him up" as you put it. It all backfired after we were married and he was hospitalized and I tried to get him transfered to the V.A. Hospital...to my shock I found out from his family, he hadn't been a green beret, hadn't been wounded, and was NOT a veteran! That was just the beginning of uncovering all the other stories he had told me! It shattered my trust, respect and belief in him!
I sinceely hope your little lies don't have the same impact on your relationship! It doesn't pay to lie about who we are...it's not worth the ramifications for a temporary ego boost!
Good Luck deciding what you should do in this situation!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Fade, I have no desire or need for your symphathy. I know that I can never be as perfect as your are. I'm sure that there are thousands of posters and visitors to dear cupid who aspire to be as perfect as you are. However, I am not one of them.
Most of the aunts on DC do their best to help people who ask questions. Many of us occasionally come across as insulting. However, you seem to desire to make a career of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Everything you said sounded completely honest, until you said that she suddenly left you over a few harmless lies. I think that would be unusual for a woman to do, at least without talking about it and trying to understand why you told her those things. I know that if a woman told me that she had lied about things so insiginificant that I would not have left her for it. I think that your girlfriend leaving you so suddenly is what made Oblivia thing that you may be making this up. It seems unusual to me too.
I'm not in a position to determine if you are being truthful with us or not, as I can only go by what you say. However, if you are telling the truth and she just up and left you over small lies at the beginning, then you are probably better off without her.
I agree with Fade to some extent that it is not good to lie. However, as is normal with her, she takes everything to the extreme. Everyone must be as perfect as she is to be worthy of anyone in a relationship.
I have no idea what you said to Oblivia or Fade in your PM to them. If it was childish talk then you deserve to be told off. However, Fade did come across as insulting to you, while Oblivia gave you some very good advice. If that advice did not work out, I don't think it can be blamed on her, as I think that most of the aunts on this board would have said the same thing. I know that is what I would have advised you to do. I am surprised that your girlfriend left you over this. As NO ONE is perfect, I'm sure that she isn't perfect either. If you have been completely honest with us in your answers then I'm sorry that you had to lose her. However, her unwillingness to look at the severity of your "white lies" probably means that she would have a problem with anything else that you are not perfect with.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (26 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm making this up? Wow Screw you both. I came here looking for help and Ill i got was grief.
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female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (26 November 2008):
I think you are wasting people's time with your made up questions.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (26 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I took your ladies advice and told her everything tonight. Its over.....she left me. Said she couldnt trust me. I lost the love of my life over little white lies.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (25 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow am I lying to myself and you? That makes no logical sense....I am being very honest here.....I dont really appreciate that......
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female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (25 November 2008):
Fade is right about no lies of course being totally innocent but I think you don't have to worry too much over this.
I think you should be safe to tell her and it will give you some peace at mind. I wouldn't have liked the part about the weed and the fights (if it means that you used to fight more than you told her you did) but in a way it will kind of tell her that you are not exactly super proud over those things, and that is a good thing, isn't it? And the baseball thing, that is nothing, really. Tell her just the way you told us here, and get rid of it!
Best wishes and take good care!
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A
male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (25 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont think telling her is the best option. I wasn't being deceitful.....I just wanted her to like me. Like I said I didn't make anything up, just slightly stretched the truth about a FEW things. Telling her will just put doubt in her head about trusting what I say. This was EARLY in our relationship. It has no bearing whatsoever in any way where we are now.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (25 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy main fear is her not thinking she can trust me. Which she can, because I wont lie to her again now that I love her. I dont want her to doubt me. I just wanted her to like me thats all. Shes the love of my life and I want to spend my life with her and have a family. Keep in mind, this is the only thing I have done to her thats dishonest. I treat this girl like a queen, and she even tells me so.
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male
reader, iamconfused48 +, writes (25 November 2008):
iamconfused48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told her I was slightly better at baseball than I was when I was younger......I was really good until I injured my spine, but I let on I was better than I was. I used to smoke weed, she knew this and was cool with it. But I told her I did it 2-3 times a week, when it was actually 4-5 times. Also I may have exaggerated some fights I was in.......stupid stuff like that. I dont even think she really paid much attention to it to be honest. I know none of this stuff effected how she feels about me in any way. I havent told her a significant lie that could hurt her though. I jsut really wanted her to like me in the beginning and these things just sort of came out before I could really think about what I was saying. It makes me feel childish.....but Im thinking its probably best left unsaid at this point. I just have a horribly guilty conscience.
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female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (25 November 2008):
Does she still believe in those things you said? If it's minor, then maybe it wouldn't hurt telling her. If it is really not a big deal and you explain to her that you exaggerated only to impress her in the beginning she might find it somewhat cute and forgive you. Maybe she'll relieve some exaggerations of herself even?
Since you come on here asking it looks like something you're thinking a lot about, minor or not, and therefore maybe good to get it out with, so that it will stop bothering your mind?
Uh, I get so very intrigued here, what was it you told her?
Take care!
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