A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some perspectives to try and help me understand my boyfriend's reduced interest in sex and how to handle this, please, as at the moment, I just feel stupid and rejected.We've been together 2 years, and are planning to move in together later this year (as requested by him for the last year!! He's spoken about it for a long time, but I only just feel ready to take that step). He's also said he wants us to start a family soon, and proposed to me last month. I've never wanted to get married, but have said yes and we have no imminent plans to set a wedding date. I love him, I want to be with him longterm and for us to start a family, but right now, I'm just not feeling happy.Like everyone, when we first got together our sex life was amazing. Things have dwindled in the last few months. Nothing in particular has changed between us, he still tells me he's very happy with me and calls me 'gorgeous' or 'sexy' when he texts me. But, we are now having sex maybe once every two-three weeks (instead of daily). I really miss that side of our relationship! He's still affectionate with kisses and cuddles, but his kisses are less passionate, and don't lead to clothes being pulled off like they used to. I have no reason to think there is someone else. I continue to take care of my appearance. Everything else between us seems to be going great, but I don't want to be married to someone who seems to show little sexual interest in me :(Unlike before, it's now me who initiates the passionate kisses and sexual stuff :( And tonight, I was due to stay with him at his place having been away for 3 days (during which he's rung me and said how he can't wait to see me naked when I return!)....so we kiss passoinately when I get to his, he tells me he wants me naked, and then goes and sits down and starts watching TV, until he's tired, then he gets into bed, I lie next to him, he unzips my jeans, starts playing with my panties and falls asleep with his hand down my jeans....wtf! I found it all a bit rude and have come away feeling very rejected...he fell asleep with his hands down my jeans!!I've tried telling him in a non-confrontational way that I'm worried he's not attracted to me and worried about our sex life. He said everything is fine from his point of view, that he still finds me attractive, but actions speak louder than words, right?I don't know what to do next. I've tried saying something as above, I've tried saying nothing and waiting for him to make a move, I've tried suggesting quality time away together/nights out/date nights....all of which is getting me nowehere.What do I do next? I feel sex is an important part of maintaining closeness in our relationship and don't know how else to address this issue to feel happier :(Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, Peonysheart  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 He says he is still attracted to you, your planning a future together. Maybe you should come right out with it. Tell him that sex once in three weeks is not working for you. I have a feeling you are a passionate, sensual woman and require the hands on. He needs to understand that. Tell him you are starting to feel rejected regardless if he says he finds you attractive or not. I know for some people sex in a relationship once every three weeks is fine, but for others it is not. This is bothering you and it needs to be handled. If you two are planning to be together for the long haul and it hasnt been handled it will haunt you and could possibly be the deal breaker at the end. Maybe he has alot of extra work or some other stress going on. That could be pulling his attention away from you. In order for you to be happy in your relationship it needs to be discussed. I see no other options but to put ot on the table.
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