A
female
age
41-50,
*heri
writes:To who ever might be listening and may have or be in my shoes help.....My fiance and I have been having financial problems for the last year, it has put a strain on us but I thought we could make it through. About a month ago I came home from work and I could tell something was on his mind. I asked if there was something he wanted to say at first he said no and when I asked again he finally said that he just wanted to be roommates and that a girl he works with introduced him to someone he is interested in spending time with. About a day after this happened he moved out and started being really mean. I seen him a couple of weeks ago be: we still pay the bills together until I move out, (hopefully very soon) when we met he told me how he has moved on with this girl and I should do the same. I love him a great deal and what's worse is that I have a 6 year old that also loves him dearly. My heart is completley broken. I don't want to get out of bed and I want to call him with the hopes that we will get back together. I never thought in a million years he would have been the one to hurt me.I made so many mistakes and I regret them immensly but he will not talk to me about any of it. The one day we met he said he has had time to think about things and he doesn't want to live a 'looser' life with me, that hurt so bad. I already feel horrible about myself. I am so angry, confused and hurt and I don't know what to do.please help me to understand.
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fiance, get back together, moved out, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cheri +, writes (8 May 2008):
cheri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was out of work for a while do to a really binding non compete, so things got really hard. He is a pilot and makes good money but with the daily and monthly responsibilities things got hard. He kept reassuring me we were ok and would make it through this. - finally did start working again but having a six year old requires spending a little money and allowing him the opportunities of after school events ect. When he told me he did not want to live a looser life with me he said that he also does not want responsibilities. That of having a fiance and a child that is not his. This was a concern for me in the begenning but he assured me time again that he was up for it. As I told him in the begenning my son and I are a package.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): What did he mean by "a loser life?" Is it because you already have a child by someone else? I don't understand that. I feel you're leaving a lot out.
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A
female
reader, cheri +, writes (7 May 2008):
cheri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, I didn't know if doing this would really help but it does. It brings tears to my eyes. I really love him and want to fix everything but he has moved on. I don't understand how you can just do that over night, after being with someone for three years. I do not want to meet anyone. I will be 30 this year in a couple of months and I felt really good around him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): That's a heartbreaking story!
I really wish I knew exactly what you could do to stop the pain, but I can't. I'm going through a break up, though not as complicated, it was also his decision even though I did nothing wrong and now he's really mean and he kinda "hates" me for all I supposedly did to him. It's unfair and I feel awful.
It's unfair, yes. But that's life. I'm happy because I learned so much from this. It feels like the world is ending though because he had told me I was the one and he wanted to marry me, and have kids, etc, and just yesterday he was telling me with tears in his eyes how much he loves me and wanted to overcome our issues, and a few hours later, dumped me telling me how much he hated me because I had broken his heart (he had issues with my past... he said I was cheap, etc.).
You have to take heart and be courageous. Don't call him, for it will only be worse: he'll be mean and you'll get nothing out of it.
Try to get support from your family and friends, and know that YOU'RE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THIS. In the beginning it doesn't really sink in, but think of the great things you have and that you ARE, and believe firmly that you deserve someone who loves you and cherishes you totally. You're still young. You can move on! Believe me, its hard, bu it's possible.
I send you so much luck and love, because you really deserve to feel better soon. Honey, you won't give anyone a "loser" life, the guy who does appreciate you fully will have a "winner's" life with you!!!
Best wishes!! Feel better soon!
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