A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my ldr to death, really, and as cautious as I am to even let myself feel this way, I feel like I might be falling in love for the first time ever.Yet, at the same time, I sometimes feel like I can't believe him when he talks about how attracted he is to me or how much he loves me. Frankly, we haven't met--he lives in another country and I will be visiting with him for three months in January after being "together" for a year. He hasn't asked me for money or pulled any strings in that regard, so I feel like I can trust him in that respect. As a poor college student who's heard all of the stories about international scam artists, this would have been a deal breaker for me. He hasn't done it. But after all of the crap that men have put me through in the past, after having my own brother, stepdad, and father violate me and after having the same brother physically abuse me, and after having my dad, stepdad, and brother physically abuse my mom as well, and after watching my brother grab his pregnant girlfriend up and choke her until she was blue, and all of these other things, I think I've been pretty much scarred for life, and I think it's fairly obvious. I can't trust men to save my life. After spending my entire childhood as the ugly kid who was never asked to homecoming and so forth, having never been called beautiful or even been kissed (though I have had boyfriends and a girlfriend), when he calls me beautiful or says all of these other things, in the back of my mind I can't help but think that there's no way he could possibly mean it. He's too attractive to mean it. It seems too good to be true, and I'm [obviously] having a hard time believing it. Seriously. At the same time, when we talk on the phone every few days my heart just melts, and I tell myself over and over that there's no way this man isn't being genuine.For anyone else who has been in a situation similar to mine, is the way that I'm feeling at all normal when you feel like your catch is too good to be true and you can't meet in person just yet? Or is a sign of some kind of true relationship problem that I simply don't recognize yet?For the record, my trip is being entirely sponsored by my school's financial aid office, including living expenses and spending money. And I am not going alone; it's a study abroad opportunity and he works at the organization where my study abroad program volunteership is run.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): hey,
I met my love in a chatroom almost a year ago.Since then we chat everyday for 2-3 hours.We felt this affinity for each other.We feel for each other in all ways.I trust whatever he says and I am not those types who believe any person easily.
We met in person recently.I was obviously nervous when we met for the first time.As I am still studying,he flew to my country 4500 miles away from his home.He is a British guy and I am from India.He proposed to me and we are getting married soon.We share something so beautiful though we don't belong to same country/religion/profession.
I think you are scared to have faith in good people cuz of your past experiences.You have found a nice,loving gentleman who knows how to treat a lady.Go for it.Meet him face to face.Talk to him.This will clear your doubts.Meeting him might just be the best decision you ever made in your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): I must say I think you have been very fortunate to not only find love in your life, but how everything has worked out. That you will get to see him AND get the trip sponsored! And for a full three months, it sounds lovely!
I think your fears would have been there even if you werent in a LDR. Just because you are in over your head in love with this man, and you are happy, and it's hard to believe he feels the same way. That feeling I am sure many of us recognize. We're just waiting for someone to pinch our arm and tell us we've been dreaming. This is where the mysterious saying "dare to me happy" starts to make more sense. You are happy, but also scared, because by giving him your trust, and all your love, you basically give up all your defenses. If he wants to hurt you now he can hurt you good. Thats what we're afraid of.
But as it is in love, you just gotta trust and hope and have faith. Because there is no way you can read his heart and tell if he knows his own heart well enough to be 100% true to you. Dare to be happy: dare to trust him. This could be the best thing that happened in your life, and it would be ashame to give it up because of fear. Yes you could get hurt. But you could also be the happiest person on earth, and to me, thats worth taking the leap and go for it.
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