A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Twenty years ago I met the love of my life. At the time we both had just gotten out of a relationship and agreed to date and not get serious, but in the process we both fell in love. After 2 years he admitted to me that he wanted to marry me and I fled. I just could not risk getting hurt and then losing his love and then my best friend as well. For 3 months I avoided him and he just took it as a reject completely. Well he started dating after those 3 months and I met a guy. At the time I was having so many problems with my mom, with whom I lived with, and I just wanted out. This new guy was cool, but I was not in love with him, although he was. After 2 months of dating he asked me to marry him and I agreed. I just wanted out of that house! After I married him I realized that I was so in love with the first guy, but it was too late. Now almost 2 decades later, the first guy and I (who became my best friend) have realized that we are and have been in love all these years. I love him with all my heart and am now in very troubled marriage with a child and a home and so forth. What should I do? How can a love that remained alive for 2 decades not be something that was meant to be?
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female
reader, SexySingleMom27 +, writes (24 November 2009):
When we are in troubled relationships we will look for any open door to get out. If this first man were not in your life at all, would you still want to leave your husband? If yes, the problem is more your marriage than a love that still exists for someone else. Remember that you married your husband to get out of the house with your mom whom you were having troubles with? Could this be replaying as you try to get away from a husband you are having troubles with? After two decades together, even if you didn't love him when you married, you surely developed a love for him over time. The love is different. We can never love two different people in the same way. And so the difference in loves might be telling you that your love for the first guy is better, truer, stronger. But the loves are equal. If not, I'm sure the one who have for the man you've lived with for 20 years, is stronger than for a man who's largely only been in your memories for the same amount of time. I strongly advise you don't leave your husband. I'm sure you can rediscover your love and the reasons why you married him and stayed with him all this time. If you are set on leaving however, think hard, and be sure that you are leaving your husband on the merits of your marriage and the state of your love, and not because there is someone else whom you think you may have a better life with. What if you leave, and the life you think you could have had never comes to be? Proceed carefully. All the best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): You really owe it to your husband who at one time really loved you and wanted you for you (and not to escape a situation he did not know how to deal with) to resolve the issues that have come up and that are now troubling your partnership. It is really unfair of you to be thinking of another escape (from your metaphorical mother again) so that another knight in shining armor can save you from your inability to resolve your personal relationship inadequacies.
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