A
female
 ,
*mber
writes:I have recently met a guy,who expressed some interest...though I approached him first (at the uni night club). I would very much like to get to know him, and while it was his idea to swap numbers and he has been lovely to me(and the fact that we have spent a few nights together, cuddling, no sex); im always the one to text him, facebook him or even talk to him most of the time. He doesn't flirt back or compliment me even though I try to flirt with him. When he is around me he seems very interested. Initially i thought he was just shy, but I spoke to him last night and said straight out that I wondered why it felt one-sided, why he never TRIED. He simply said 'I've been messed over once too many. I'm just careful'. I understand that he's been hurt, but I am also annoyed that he is letting that overshadow something new, where we both clearly like each other. How am I supposed to react to that? I do really, really like him. How do I get him to open up to me? thanks, much appreciated
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female
reader, Amber +, writes (24 November 2009):
Amber is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you both for your persepctives...it's hard to decide whether it's even worth chasing him. i feel very silly,seeing as he doesn't give me anything to go on. I haven't texted or called him since I posted this question, and haven't heard from him either. So, I guess it's been decided for me. If he gets in touch (which I doubt), then I may consider going to the effort of getting him to open up, but as it is, I don't thinks so.
thanks girls, I appreciate both your responses, very different :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): hey amber,
i am having the same problem with a guy and he's 32yo!!! I'm not so sure being so tough is the answer. Sometimes you have to have patience and let the guy open up when he's ready and he will be ready one day. Yes, I think shyness have something to do with it. But, he's not taking his problems out on you as much as he's being cautious and taking care of himself. The only thing really left for you to decide is if he's that great of a guy to be patient for. As a friend told me, sometimes you will have to go after what you want. There's nothing wrong with that. At least he's responsive. Start to worry when he's not being responsive. But, if it really bothers you, then explain to him how you feel without pressuring him. Maybe you can say something like, "Hey can you call me tomorrow?" and he just might do it. Guys are simple and you need to develop simple solutions.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 November 2009):
Well you've spoken to him about it and he's made it clear he's not interested in making effort because he doesn't expect this to go anywhere.
So it's up to you whether you want to keep chasing him and trying to make up to him for what ever he thinks these other girls have done.
Personally I'd stop chasing him. I can't put up with guys who expect you to solve all their problems and issues for them.
Tell him it's not going to work if he's not willing to take a chance on you. You want a boyfriend, not a DIY project.
There are SO MANY great guys to meet at university so why waste your time on a guy who is just going to be lovely when it's convenient.
Good Luck!! xx
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