A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 3 weeks ago because I cheated on him with my guy friend (over a month ago). I didn’t break up with my boyfriend because of guy friend though- I did it on my own terms and this incident just made me realize I should end it.My guy friend is also a friend of my (now ex) boyfriend. I’ve liked my guy friend for over a year but never admitted it or did anything about it until that one night when we hooked up. Anyways, after I broke up with my boyfriend my guy friend never texted me to ask if I was alright, etc… I’m confused. Is he not texting me because he wants to avoid the drama or does he just not care? Just before we hooked up he admitted to liking me for a while and that I’m the only girl he can talk to about things (family, friends, etc.). Perhaps he wants things to cool down because he doesn’t want to get too involved or even be a rebound? How do I know what his real intentions are? I don’t plan on texting him anytime soon about meeting up/hooking up again because I don’t want him to be a rebound because I actually do like him. Help!
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female
reader, IamJess +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Its complicated because this guy is a friend of your ex boyfriends who you both cheated against, and he might feel guilty to his friend because he's supposed to be a friend to him and he hasn't been acting that way, and because you broke up with him, he thinks its because of him, he might not want to get involved straight away because its still new news, and he doesn't want his friend to think bad things about him and then he'll lose the friendship. Talk to him and text him first, maybe wait a bit before things get a bit out in the open though, its not really fair on your ex boyfriend, and he shouldn't have to deal with the fact your seeing somebody else especially since its his friend, already.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Call me cynical, but... curious isn't it, how he said the nice things (you are the only one I can talk to etc.etc. ) BEFORE hooking up, and AFTER he prefers to lie low. Interesting timing.
I may be wrong of course, but I think that he is not too worried about letting the drama cool down, or even being a rebound . I think he got what he wanted- hooking up. He's probably OK with leaving it at that, OR will be happy to do it again, sometime somewhere, on a when it happens it happens basis, with no particularly set " intentions ". And I guess the reason why, or one of reason why, he has not contacted you yet, is because he knows you wonder about his " real intentions " and would like to have an answer.. and he is embarassed at the very idea.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Perhaps he doesn't want to be involved with you because your relationship started off as an affair, plus he's a friend of your ex. He's actually being kind to your ex for not pursuing you. Your ex needs time to heal and the last thing he wants to know is you are with his friend while he is all alone. There is an unhidden rule for bros not to bone your friend's girlfriend or ex girlfriend. Now he is in an awkward position and he hopes to forget what he had done. I don't know if your ex knew about the cheating or whether you friend told him. If he didn't, it's very hard for him to keep this a secret while still being his friend.
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