A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:This guy I met liked me. I wanted to get to know him better before jumping into things, so I tried to give him the hint. He misunderstood and thought I was rejecting him. He proceeded to flirt with other girls. I was really hurt and I confessed. He said he didn't know I liked him. Now, he's moved (complicated story, but the basis is I will be moving to where he is as well for other personal reasons besides my crush on him. I will see him in 9 months). To get to the point, I sent him a facebook message and he completely ignored it. I take it as a rejection. I think this whole thing was a rejction. I will have gone through the fourth week since I haven't seen him.I've tried exercising, meeting with friends, getting focused on school, meeting new people, hanging out with a new guy...everything. I realize I need to give myself time, but it's like there's this unsettling itch I can't scratch.Right now I am in a state where I'm so insecure about myself and wondering if I will ever meet the right person. It's hard to let him go because he was everything I was looking for and then more. I felt like if we could have only worked things out, we would have a great thing together. Although, I have to include that he does check girls out even if he's with me. I just don't know how I am going to face him when he finds himself a new girlfriend.I don't know what I'm going to do or say or carry myself if I hear he's stopped checking out other girls for this new girlfriend of his. It's going to hurt a lot to know once again that I am not the person for him. Because he was and still currently is someone who I consider perfect for me.At the same time, I'm envisioning if we were to be together. I envision him easily cheating on me with his wandering eye. Why is it that I want him when I know he isn't ready to settle down and isn't ready to commit to me? Is it as simple as the whole "you want what you can't have?" theory? Why are my feelings so strong when I know the important things like security and loyalty are missing?What do I do to ease the pain? What do I do about my insecurities? I have always wanted to get rid of jealousy, but now whenever I see a girl now I automatically think "would he be attracted to her?" Or "is she attractive enough for him to date? Would she be better than me for him?". I don't want to be this person, but it just comes over me.I want to rise above this, I do. It's just that sometimes I can only do so much as a human being. Advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 January 2012):
He does not seem interested in you. He is not the perfect guy for you. The perfect guy is interested in you.
Make up your mind fully that the perfect man for you is interested in you, can pick up on your "hints" and will return your facebook messages.
You see his wandering eye as something bad, something that you want to stop in him, because you think he is so close to being perfect if it only weren't for that one thing....
Do you want to make it your project to get with him so you can stop this behavior? You can't stop him from being the way he is, so stop looking at other women and wondering.
Start looking for the right man, and hold fast to your standards, that the right man will be these things to you.
Obviously there are things you like about him. What are they? Is he the only one who could have those qualities?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): "Advice would be appreciated. Thank you."
Make an appointement with a mental health professional and bring a hard copy of this posting.
I'm serious, and I'm genuinely concerned. You need to talk to a trained neutral third-party to sort things out and put them in the proper perspective.
Best wishes.
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