A
female
age
51-59,
*machine
writes:Who keeps the engagement ring? Before you give me a standard answer, please consider the facts. I'm in CA, I accepted the proposal and spent allot of my own money (still in debt) for the wedding that didn't happen. 4 months before the wedding he gets drunk, we argue and he proceeds to attack me. Threw me,kicked me and strangled me. Police came, DA involved. When he came to collect his things I left the ring by his stuff. He moved out but left the ring on my pillow. In an eventual conversation I asked why he left it, he stated I want you to have it. Now time has passed. DA backed off charges because I didn't want to testify or be involed so they didn't feel they had a strong enough case. Now he is hinting he wants ring back and says a CA attorney says its his since I didn't marry him and I broke off the wedding! Even with the sale of the ring I won't get all my money back from the wedding debt on my credit cards. Do I give it back or let him try to pursue things legally and then counter sue for the domestic violence and mental damage he has caused me? Does anyone else think this guy is a major jerk? Ugh
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debt, drunk, money, moved out, violent, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): I think the simple answer to this qestion is, you keep the ring. Reason: You gave the ring back as specified in your contract of marrage, you didn't get married therefore you gave the ring back, you did your part. Now he gives you the ring again in a different way, not for marrage and with no strings attached, as a gift. He feels badly about what happened and wants you to have the ring. He had his chance to keep the ring and decided he wanted to to have it instead. Now it's your ring.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 Technically if he is going down this route then you could just say to him "well I want all the presents I gave you for Christmas and birthdays back". At the end of the day a gift is a gift and you dont go asking for them back once you have broken up. An engagement ring as others have said is not a legal contract into marriage - it is a promise to marry you from him. And he broke that promise when he attacked you. Simple as that - marriage vows claim to "love and to cherish" - he clearly was not going to abide by that one so you have every right to keep it.
If he persists with this idea to get it back then go ahead and counter-sue for all the money you have lost on the wedding. I'm sure when he finds out you are going to counter sue he will drop the idea of getting the ring back, after all it will be cheaper for him to let you have the ring than pay back all the wedding costs!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 November 2009):
Under normal circumstances, if you were to call off the wedding then yes, it would be common courtesy to give him the ring back. But who the hell would want to marry him after that?! It's not like there's a law that says you have to give it back (at least not to my knowledge) and he said after everything that he wants you to keep it (probably because he felt guilty at the time for what he did and knew he was in the wrong). It was a gift to you, you don't have to give it back if you don't want to. And yes, he is a major jerk. I'm glad you're not like some stupid people and went ahead and married him anyway.
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