A
female
age
41-50,
*rincess216
writes:My Question: Would it be okay to date my ex brother in law? I've read a bunch of post on this with different variations in situations. However, most of the ones I've seen is where the female is having an affair with her current brother in law. Here is my situation: I was with my exhusband from the time I was 16 until I was 23. We were married for the last year and a half of that time. The reasons why my ex and I split up are numerous but the main reason was we just didn't click or mix as a couple and I just wasn't really in love anymore. Call it puppy love first love jaded whatever you may basic point is we split! Our divorce was fairly pleasant and went really smoothly. We still talk from time to time and even had dinner once to catch up! He is remarried and has a daughter now. As for his brother in law, I met him for the first time about a year before me and his brother got married. When I first met him, I told my boyfriend (later on husband) that wow your brother is handsome (I was young and joked around a lot to mess with him). His brother was always nice to me and we always got along and sometimes even through my marriage would think wow him and I have a lot in common and we get along so well, did I marry the wrong brother? lol But never thought anything of it other than a simple thought in my head and laughed it off. Well, as me and my ex were going through our divorce his brother would hang out with me and we were just good friends. My divorce was final back in 2006 - 4 years ago. I'm still good friends with my ex brother in law (bil for the latter of this post). He has mentioned from time to time about us dating. I always respon like yeah right your my ex bil something doesn't seem right about that. He always says there is nothing wrong with it but I'm stubborn. Lately, I cannot stop thinking about him like that now, like giving him a chance. We are suppose to get together one night this week for dinner and catch up since it's been a little bit since we've talked. I'm sure theconversation will come up again. I've talked to numerous people friends even close friends who knew my situations with my ex husband and they all say to give it a go and see what happens. My exhubby even told me one time that he didn't care what we did because apparently my ex bil mentioned something to do him about how he felt? I'm not 100% on how that took place. I know this one of the questions that seems to come up a lot: What is the relationship between my exhusband and the bil? My exhusband and bil have the same dad - different moms. They were close when they were very young and then were apart with no communication for about 14 years. The first night they had reconnected was the same night I met his bil. They tried hanging out and being close brothers but it never really clicked. My exhusband was slightly bitter that their father had nothing to do with him. When I was talking to my ex bil awhile back he said that him and his brother basically have no relationship. My ex bil even said that my ex hubby only has people in his life when it's good for him. Also, in addition to having different moms it would almost be like dating someone from a different family because I never do their dad when I was married to my ex and their different moms don't really talk. So given that my exhusband and ex bil aren't close, families aren't close, and my divorce has been final for 4 years now and my ex has moved on --- would I be wrong entertaining the idea of giving it a chance even if it was just one date to see what would happen? I feel that I would be since I was married to his brother but it seems like all the other factors out weigh my hesitation and from him and other people I've talked to I seem to be the only one who sees anything slightly wrong with it and I'm beginning to think it couldn't hurt!Any advice would be much appreciated!Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Princess216,
i feel ur pain. my ex and i have been divorced for 12 YEARS. i recently moved back into the area where his family is. my bil and i were always joking around and at first i wondered if he was flirting, but then conceded that he was just joshing around, always poking fun that i would have his last name, and that we'd have 2 religions in the house, etc, etc. u get the picture.
5 days ago he asked for a ride to the store, he was a little tipsy after having a little wine, and we can to a stop sign and he leaned over and kissed me. and then kissed me again! wow, talk about fireworks. i realized that he was joshing around anymore. we've seen each other a few times since then, and we really like each other and get along great, like u and ur bil.
i have one prob that u don't, if my ex found out he'd FREAK! he was possessive when we were married (nothing physically bad though). he's not that close to his family, but there still a tension with him finding out. he's moved on and even been married twice! he supposedly still has feelings for me (which mine died A LONG TIME AGO).
i really like my bil, but i think i'm going to call if off. i've actually started having nightmares about this whole thing. maybe one day, we'll restart it.
YOUR ANSWER IS: go for it girl! i'm in my 40's (idk how old u are) and it gets rough out there. it's almost like u've interviewed future b/f before dating. u know u get along, and enjoy each others company. his character won't change because of you. if ur ex is ok with it, ESPECIALLY GO FOR IT!!
hope to hear from you. love to hear how ur date went and if u decided to pursue it!
ps. remember that if it doesn't work out, your both mature enough to remain friends!!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 I don't think that dating your ex brother in law would be so weird or in bad taste, after all. You divorced amicably 4 years ago. and your ex husband has moved on. The brother in law is actually a stepbrother and he's not close at all to yr ex husband and his mother. So I guess there would be nothing wrong in giving it a try, if this is your wish.
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