A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, I really need some serious help! Let me start from the beginning. I have only been in two relationships and my first relationship lasted for about 6 years. My ex is in the Army and 2 years ago he was deployed to Iraq. He broke up with me before his deployment, there was another girl supposedly involved and months before his deployment he had hurt me so much with the way he was treating me that it took me months to get over all the pain he had out me through after he left. I felt devastated and needless to say I met someone else. This new guy helped me through the most difficult part of my breakup and I love him, but I feel like I'm not in love with him. Well, things just got complicated because a few weeks ago my ex contacted me, told me he still loved me and that he broke up with me before he deployed because he was scared he was going to die and I would suffer. He said he was diagnosed with ptsd and I told him I would be here for him... Now I am super confused and I don't know what to do! My current boyfriend and I have been getting into ugly arguments but he doesn't know I'm talking to my ex. What do I do? Please I need some help!! :'(
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2011):
 It is not uncommon for guys to go into a "deployment mode" where they "push" people away. Rumors fly about cheating wives and girlfriends.
My suggestion would be that you don't jump from one guy to another, JUST because he's back and have fond memories of you, doesn't mean his actions towards you is null and void.
I would suggest you break up with your current BF. He seems like he was your rebound guy (which must suck for him) But there is no long term for you two, if you love him but aren't in love with him. You need to cut him loose, he doesn't deserve to be "put on hold" while you figure your feeling out.
If you DO want to get back with your ex, I suggest you take it VERY slow. PTSD is not fun to deal with. Not only for the people who suffer from it, but everyone in their life too. You might find him to be a VERY different guy then the one who left you.
Is he still in the military? Is he getting help for PTSD? Counseling, anything?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 Well sweetie if you are not in love with your current partner well then there is no point being with him, we cannot force ourselves to fall for someone as that is just not how it works.
As for your ex partner, well six years is a long time, so yes there is a lot of history there and a lot of shared memories. But that could be clouding your thoughts and making you think that it is him you want just because you have a shared past. Think back to the time of the break up, you say there was meant to be another girl involved, you need to get to the bottom of this and see if there is any truth in it. It does make sense that he would break up to you because he was getting deployed to a war zone, but you need to do your digging and make sure that it is the truth.
You say that for months before he was deployed he treated you really badly, try to think back to this time and see what triggered things off for him to turn on you and treat you badly. Think back to how hurt and upset you where, is he really worth risking your current relationship for? I guess you are going to need to make the choice on your own which one to chose but just make sure that you are making the right choice for yourself. Good Luck and all the best.
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