A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know I may be asking you to step outside your comfort zone here, but I'm sure you'll be doing more than just ME a favor by answering these few (not so)simple questions as HONESTLY as possible.What makes you cheat? (Of course everyone has their own story) but the bottom line is, every cheater stands to lose the SAME thing... their life as they know it. Do you actually care about the women you're with or is it just some cheap thrill?Can you actually love the person you're cheating with even though you know you have a devoted wife at home?What makes you stay in an unhappy marriage?Do you find that when you're with your wife, you still imagine you're with HER- even after the affair has ended? And with that, my last question- even after YOU have ended it and chosen to stay in your marriage, do you ever think about her anymore??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): What makes you cheat? Phil's covered it nicely. Your wife becomes unavailable. In my case, her career and the kids became her top priorities, and I fell pretty far down the list.
Do you actually care about the women you're with or is it just some cheap thrill? You have to care to some degree. For me it was like being 16 again -- wild infatuation.
Can you actually love the person you're cheating with even though you know you have a devoted wife at home? That's a revealing question, isn't it? If my wife were devoted, I wouldn't have messed around.
What makes you stay in an unhappy marriage? Duty.
Do you find that when you're with your wife, you still imagine you're with HER? No.
Even after YOU have ended it and chosen to stay in your marriage, do you ever think about her anymore? Yes -- not in a yearning sort of way, just remembering the rush that goes with a new infatuation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): oops - missed the last couple of questions, the answers to which are:
Yes. And yes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Well, I'm not married now, but I have been - a couple of times - so feel qualified to answer. Of course, everyone has different answers, but here are mine:
Nagging, moaning about what a crap day she's had as soon as I stepped through the door after working all day, not taking care of her hygiene and appearance, wearing tights in the daytime and bri-nylon nighdresses that went down to the floor with elasticated collar and cuffs, generally being miserable and making everyone else in the house miserable with her. Then along comes a woman who obviously takes care of herself, has a perfect figure, has a great sense of humour, wears stockings, suspenders and sexy underwear, is adventurous and makes it obvious she wants to play. Her husband was the male equivalent of my wife. Basically, what was on offer was a whole lot more appealing than what I'd got at home and I happily jumped in with both feet. I still don't regret a thing about that one, and I doubt that she does either. We had a great time.
It was a thrill, but I wouldn't say it was a cheap one. Did I care for her? I don't know, I suppose so, but I was definitely in lust with her, and the affair lasted for nearly 3 years.
I don't think I actually 'loved' her as such, but I definitely loved having the excitement of sex with her. The second part of the question isn't applicable!
In marriage #1 it was 'for the sake of the kids'. In marriage #2 as soon as it got unhappy I left it. It was the best option for both of us.
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