A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Good day.I am married and my husband seems to feel it's okay to order me around. Example if my cat meows a bit at night he wakes up yelling and screaming so I wake up. Then commanding me to get rid of the cat. This marriage has been without compromise alot. It's his way or no way. If its not about the cat it'll be about something else that he finds to complain about. I have left before but my children were very upset so I went back. My children are older now and I'm tired of how I'm being treated. He is good for helping around the house and sometimes cooking. However, his temper is too much. When he gets in his rages he always threatens to quit his job. I find this immature . Once he took 4 years off of work while I supported him. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2024): I presume that your kids are now adults, so you do not need to protect them or think for them even if they live at home. Let them take care of themselves. You just take care of you.
Too many kids nowadays - well grown adults - expect their parents to pay their bills, do their chores, protect them from problems, and it is all a one way street. The more you do for them the more they remain selfish lazy kids.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (18 July 2024):
 Were there any signs of this kind of behaviour before you married him?.
Your children are older now so in all honesty there really is no reason why you should stay in this unhappy marriage. Life is too short to be unhappy. I think he is who he is and he is never going to change now. I feel if you don't take a stand now you will be in this unhappy situation for ever.
At the end of the day your health and happiness are what is important. He does not and never will respect you or how you feel.
Like Honeypie says if you do decide to leave make sure you have a plan. Keep it to yourself and close family/friends but never let him know what is going on.
I think your first port of call should be to obtain some legal advice and find out just where you stand.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2024):
 While I understand kids being "scared" about divorce, if they are now adults and you CANNOT live in peace with this man, why not do a trial separation.
I would honestly (if you can) record his abuse - and if your GROWN kids tell you that you shouldn't leave him, PLAY it to them. Ask them if they think it's OK to talk to ANYONE like that.
You can obviously support yourself, so that isn't the issue.
He doesn't respect you. At all.
Life is too short to live with this BS every day.
BUT, if you DO decide to leave, PLAN it out. Don't give him notice. If he has a temper, it might not safe.
Secure ALL your (and the kids) important documents, find a place you can afford on your own (unless you own the house outright - then HE las to leave) - if you both share mortgage you will have to also find a lawyer and work on splitting assets.
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