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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I'm 23 and I'm looking for some tips to deal with stress because I'm really struggling to cope at the moment. My dad had a stroke last year and isn't doing to great, now his sister (my aunt) has had a stroke and two heart attacks last weekend. My best friend has unexpectedly fallen pregnant, the other has just been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, my boyfriend is in the army and is in Afghanistan, my mum is having a really tough time at work, my Nan has foolishly got herself into a lot of debt and my mum is trying to help her sort out her finances and I have a really stressful and demanding job. I'm not much of a talker and I'm normally the strong one who copes with everything but at the moment I feel so sad and have a constant headache. I know no one can make all the problems go away but can you please give me some ideas on how to keep myself sane and maybe get rid of the headaches. Thanks for your help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Hi
Yeh that's life as ' old timer soon' say's and it will no doubt get worse.
You can learn to manage stress headaches by unwinding and relaxing your body, sitting in the bath / doing things that make you feel good. Other peoples problems do not have to become yours, even though they are close you can be concerned but the older you get you too will get your own problems to deal with....so relax while you can. HUMOUR the best way to deal with stress, sometimes it's the only way. I was told 'Don't trouble trouble untill trouble troubles you' still can't work it out but it's a good toung twister, humour releases so much stress and prevents it and lifts the heavyness of life when it sucks.
Spunky monkey
A
male
reader, OldTimer Soon  +, writes (8 June 2011):
OK,
You will probably ignore this but role-play a moment. IMAGINE -- Your Mother just died; Your Boyfriend has also. Your pregnant Girl-friend is pregnant following a rape where she was disfigured and crippled.
Point is ---- Once in a while imagine how it could be WORSE!
Would you survive for your other Loved ones? - Of Course -- So you will survive now plus you haven't been told you have Cancer.
It works, I have used it for horrid happenings --- and you can go two ways - Give up or bend with it. DO NOT start drugs, alcohol or anything potentially habitual.
From experience I tell you it will get better AND there are worse times in the future. That's life!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 I am so sorry you are face this seriously stressful cluster of events. One alone would be very traumatic. But so many, all at the same time. And people looking to you for support. Don't try to be all things to all people.
First off you must protect your own emotional health. You can't support others if you are already running on
empty.
And your own livelihood requires that you remain fit enought to do your job. So don't give that much that your enployment suffers.
Find the time to get enough sleep, eat healthy, go for a daily walk, at least. Though preferably do more, like a swim or a run or the gym.
Then prioritize. You can't and should not try to solve everyone's problems.
It is not who screams the loudest. It is who is under the most obvious and most life threating danger. It is not always the sickest one. Often it is the person who is already giving too much.
And often everyone leans on the person who appears to be the strongest. Yet overload can eventually wear away the 'strong' one. Speak to your Doctor about the pressure you have felt recently. It may be temporary, but it never hearts to allow the Doctor the opportunity to check that it is only temporary. Tell the Doctr all the symptons you have been experiencing.
It is a sign that you can't do it all.
Practise relaxing by doing breathing exercises. Basically you take in a very big breath, and at the same time you tense one part of your body. Such as your instep. Hold that breath for ten to fifteen seconds, then release the big breath and release the tension in that one part of your body at exactly the same time. Then repeat with another part of your body and another big breath. It's always worked for me. You can do these outside
Once your emotional needs are being properly cared for you can prioritize what you can do to properly support others. And more effectively.
Then turn your attention to who needs your help most and first. Still set some boundaries.
And make time on a regular basis to sit down with a good book. Or have coffee with a friend. Your emotional intelligence is why others feel able to lean on you. But you are not a machine. You can get stressed to. Don't feel guilty about taking a vacation away from family..
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Y_v  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Short and simple. Make time for yourself.
Everyone has problems with their life and sometimes we get too lost in it that we don't even realise its affecting our health.
I know this may sound like it's out of the blue but take time out! Do something for yourself that does not relate to anybody else's problems. Do something fun e.g. go to an amusement park, cinema, girly night out, etc. It may seem a little selfish but by being relaxed you can think clearly and solve problems quicker.
Your body can only cope with a certain amount of pressure, you need to let your brain as well as your heart heal. I understand that its tough to get over someone you care about, i sunk into the pit of depression when my aunt died :( so i know how much hurt you must be feeling.
Also the only help you can do at this point in time is to be there for people and by being calm especially for your mum& nan as well as for your friend...
Maybe do something nice with your family& friend for example go for a picnic or something! Just distract them and yourself from the worries in their life.
Oh and maybe take some paracetamol ;)
Hope this helps in some way :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Stress can kill so you do need to find a way to cope. I'm no doctor but common sense tells me you have a family history that makes you more vulnerable than the next person to have a stroke or heart attack too so you should consider medical help9perhaps a light tranquilizer?) But, you definetly need to take care of you first. learn to take very deep breaths, study Zen and get medical assistance; then take care of and focus on you parents.
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