A
male
age
51-59,
*onk
writes:My girlfriend (who I loved alot) broke it off with me just under a week ago. With some soul searching and thinking about all the things she said for why it finished, I have accepted her reasons and am actually starting to..well anyway. My question is: how long did it take you to get over a broken heart? I mean, when you are devastated and its seems seems so sad, how long did it take before you felt normal again? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jonk +, writes (26 June 2011):
jonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did this survey online and this was the responce...
As promised, here is the extended analysis of your survey results and an important healing lesson.
You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness.Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome. You may not be able to get your ex, the break, up and the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible soulmate. It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, that made you who you are and wanted to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?
Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:
Lesson 1:
The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.
The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning;
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.
Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know it to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.
Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.
The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.
For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
after work and when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.
The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.
The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.
Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want to have
is company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week, because it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.
To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
A
male
reader, jonk +, writes (19 June 2011):
jonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help. Still feels like a fresh wound, think it will take while to heal. I know its not a death or anything so dramatic, but I cant imagine ever loving someone like I love her, it took a lifetime to meet her, but I guess that is different to feeling normal again. I guess I will just feel not in love soon, and can then get back into living. I dont know which is worse, to not be in love and think that's normal or to feel intense pain because you are so in love.
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A
male
reader, jonk +, writes (19 June 2011):
jonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help. Still feels like a fresh wound, think it will take while to heal. I know its not a death or anything so dramatic, but I cant imagine ever loving someone like I love her, it took a lifetime to meet her, but I guess that is different to feeling normal again. I guess I will just feel not in love soon, and can then get back into living. I dont know which is worse, to not be in love and think that's normal or to feel intense pain because you are so in love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): There is no set time when you get over a brokenheart some people dont ever get over it but learn to cope which in turn helps them to move on and that makes it easier to start enjoying life again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Well... last time I was really in love with someone, it was kind of a messed up situation. He had a long time girlfriend and I was his "booty call", I guess. I allowed myself to be used because I was "in love", or so I thought. When he finally told me he was going to leave his girlfriend for me (and it felt like I had waited forever to hear him say that) I surprised myself by my own reaction. I told him not to do that, I told him to stay with her. After he left I basically felt like I had just had an epiphany of some sort... its like I had immediately fallen out of love with him, once he had said that. So, basically, after months of tears over this guy, due to the pain I suffered because I wanted to be with him exclusively, I actually ended up walking away from it. I don't know if that even qualifys as a "broken heart" but it certainly taught me that love comes and goes. You can feel insanely in love with a person one day, and the next realize that it was really just the image you created in your mind of that person that you fell in love with (I hope that makes sense). You can get over a broken heart once you realize that there are so many other chances for love out there. Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): it depends on what kind of person you are. you might never get over really losing someone you love- or you might move on quickly and not dwell on it more than a week or two. There is no scale or system to determine how long it will take, except your own experiences.
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