A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If your boyfriend says we need time apart, no contact for a bit is it okay to clarify if this is a "break" or "breakup" or should I just give up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 January 2013):
 I have never seen a relationship that needs "a break" make it long run.
I always think of "a break" as the beginning of the end for relationships.
It's used by folks who are either hedging their bets or are trying to let the other person down slowly and easily. Breaking up with someone is not always a violent angry affair, sometimes it's just what needs to be done.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You need to discuss with him what he means by that. Define the parameters. Is this a break? Are you allowed to go on dates with others? Are you allowed to kiss/have sex with others?
In my experience, a break/time apart ALWAYS means a break up. It's just a procrastination. You take a break, so you can gather up the courage to actually break up.
Alternatively, he just needs some actual time to himself. Although, if that was the case you'd know. You'd know if he was anti social, autistic or schizoid, or had other mental disorders meaning he needs time away from you occasionally.
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A
female
reader, maxwellito +, writes (20 January 2013):
I wouldn't wait around for him. I do suggest that you keep an open heart and open mind if he comes back around and if you consider him to be an amazing person. Sit back and think if he's worth it though.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 January 2013):
 It really depends on the words that weren't spoken....
IF what he REALLY said was, "Let's take a break so that I can see if I am able to have s*x with this other girl...." .. then THAT is really a precursor to a break-up.
IF what he REALLY said was, "Let's take a break, cuz I have a slew of exams coming up, and I need to concentrate upon studying for them....." Then that was an innocent and benign "break".... and you and he can re-constitute things when the reason for the "break" has passed....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 January 2013):
I don't think time apart is selfish at all- telling someone you're with that you won't give them time apart is more selfish.
Sometimes people just need to be alone for a little.
It doesn't always mean a break-up, but it can. Give him some time if you want. BUT-you should be clear with him about what is acceptable to you during this break.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 What differentiates a real relationship to an on and off relationship is that a real boyfriend will keep in touch with you even if he has an exam, his mom is sick, or you two had an argument the last night. You are important in his life and he feels the need to share feelings with you. He does not want to string you along for fear that you would leave him for another guy. A guy in an on and off relationship keeps in touch on his own terms. He gives up when things get tough. He only wants a relationship if it is more fun, less work than it could be when he was single. If it is a serious relationship you want you should break up with him. This is general advice.
The exception to this would be if he got a psycho clingy girlfriend who calls him too many times a day and checks his phone and emails. She nags, complains and never appreciates him. Then he would need time apart to rethink the relationship and catch a deep breath.
Whether you have kids with him or not, taking time apart is selfish. I don't see a reason why you can't come to a resolution together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Huh...is he your age? How long have you been dating? Is he otherwise a stable individual? As I see it, this is his way of getting out of the relationship completely without having to break the news to you all at once in a harsh way. I would consider yourself broken up with him. It would be interesting to just cut off all contact with him and see if he contacts you again. If not, there's your answer.
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