A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is not one of them questions where I'm asking for advice on how to get over someone, its more of asking for an understanding to why things have changed as they have.Basically me and this guy liked each other for years and then finally got together, 5 months later it ended, I never understood why but there was nothing I could do so I accepted his decision and we agreed to stay friends. This was a while ago now, he had another gf however she was long distance, this lasted about 4 months as she ended it. She was so much younger than him so we all expected it.I know its time to move on but everytime I get somewhere there are questions still underlying in my head. He now has a new gf, and what I really don;t understand is how he can be so happy with her. Unlike with me or his previous gf they are so clingy, he doesn't go out with his mates at night anymore unless he can take her, shes clingy to him, he runs around after her, took her away after only one month and alsorts. Hes chnaged himself and his whole life for a girl from the very first day, and he didn't even know her before they got together.Now this is what I don;t understand, shes the sorta person that for pretty much all of his life he moaned about, that he didn;t particularly like because of how imature they are. Although he gets on with anyone, he could never relate to them. He loves her family and gets on with them so well, but how? They are the sorta people that at one point he couldn't stand. How? He was such a pleasent guy, respectable, polite, and they are all loud n mouthy. I don't understand it.Ok so we were practically the same person, as unbelieveable as that sounds, but when they say its too good to be true, it usually is.I can;t move on unless someone helps me understand all of this. Why suddenly does he give his whole life to a girl he barely knew, he hated those sort of people so why is it now hes so unbelievably happy with them? I don't really speak to him anymore as I don;t like his gf and she doesn't like me so I find it easier to keep my distance. I just wonder why has he changed like this? I feel like I was never good enough and seeing him go to the complete opposite of what he;d always believed in and the opposite people that he liked as killed me. How can this be happening? Please help me understand so I can completely move on.
View related questions:
long distance, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (20 January 2013):
It's not uncommon for people to think they don't like something until they actually try it.
Sometimes people are more compatible with other people for no obvious reason. You could have been better for him in some ways, her in other ways that make him feel closer to her. There's no way to know and as you mature you'll realize it doesn't matter- there are infinite possibilities of compatibility and in no way does that mean there is something wrong with you.
It's time for you to recognize that you need to move on from this guy.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Sometimes... you just have to put a failed partnership SO FAR away, in your rear-view mirror, that questions such as this can get no traction.....
Ask YOURSELF, "What difference does it (the answer to this question) make????" You and he have gone your separate ways.... and life goes on. WHY stress yourself with even a whit of a concern about him?????
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You started as friends and were trying to make transitions into a real couple but probably the chemistry was not enough. He tried to convince himself that staying with you was good because you are more similar to each other. He exaggerated his dislike for people different from him in order to see the good in you. Fact is in a relationship he likes needy girls because they make him feel more secure and needed in a relationship.
Love is as irrational as it gets. He grew up to have a set of values important to him but is surprised to find out that he can be open minded to other people when love allows him to. There is a possibility that later he won't get along with her or the family. That should not be your concern anymore. In love there can be no predictability and is vulnerable to change. In the long term, compatability is more important than the initial chemistry that may not last. However to start off a relationship a strong attraction is needed. I should also emphasize that attraction and consistency are both important. When you see a person who says one thing and does another, it makes him unstable. If I were his new girlfriend and I am aware of the conversations that you had with him, I would not feel very secure with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Because when people find someone who just "does it" for them...whatever that is, none of that stuff that they said or believed before matters anymore. If you hate tattoos and meet a person that does it for you that has tattoos, then all of a sudden they don't bother you anymore. If you claim you're a life long bachelor, are too selfish for marriage, etc. and then meet someone that does it for you, you get married to them immediately. This girl may have all or most of the qualities that he previously said he disliked, but somehow she makes it work and he loves the total package. It's just the way love and life go.
...............................
|
