A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:[MOD NOTE: This poster has submitted 3 similar questions within 10 minutes, so I have put them all into one post]1. Is it me of is there something wrong here.My husband and i have had problems and we are current not living together, but are trying to work our marriage out. we had been making an effort to spend at least 2 hours with each other after work. I was ill and had to go to the hospital. doctors were concerned that it was a blood clot in my leg as i have had one before. I told him what happen after and he told me to take things easy. from then I didn't have credit to call him as bills rinsed me out this month. he called me but i didnt get to phone in time and couldn't return his call, the next day he text me asking how am i and that he hopes i'm ok,but i couldn't reply, 3 days pass, he hasnt been able to get through to me. If it was me i would be worried and will not stop trying to get in contact until i hear his voice and know that he's ok. It just seems sad that i could be dead from a clot the the brain or head and it would take 3 days for my husband to realise that i'm dead or somethings happened to me. In sickness and health he is nowere to be seen or heard of. It was a scary time for me, i needed him. just feel like i have to do it all on my own. is this how marrage should be?2. I am scared my husband is going to distroy me eemotionally. We have trust issues in our marrage which we are trying to work on but it worrys me that when i ask him what was he thinking while he's carrying out acts that betray my trust, did he think of me, the effects, the damage it will cause. he said he has a view of what i dont know wont hurt me. As he as seen nothing stays secret it comes out and i get hurt It seems ok for him to hurt me over and over. What should i do?3. My husband promised he would spend the day with me. He had to go and do a few things first but said he would be back soon. he set off after 11 at 4 he's still not back. i didn't call him cause i have my pride i should be forcing him to spend the day with me if he dont want to. 8pm comes still no call or text to say sorry or even why he's held up. I was fuming by the time he got in after 9. he came in as if nothing happen. huge arguement because he had done the same thing last week and i had bit my tongue and just say you left me waiting like my time aint imporant. he said time got away with him. But this time its different he saw how it had hurt me last week yet he done it again. why is it so easy to hurt me. is he just insensitive or he just dont care about me and my happiness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): It is actually more beneficial to be single than married in todays society, why? 1) because two households will generate more costs than one 2) If we are single we will still be trying to find a mate-more money spent on going out and buying unnecessary things that we think will attract a mate 3) when your marriage has failed or you do not have a family you are more likely to feel bad and thus buy more. We are living in a capatilist society everthing promotes family breakdown, remember that.
The list is endless, we are constantly pumped with ridiculous information from the media daily as to why we should be independant, single, play hard to get, men should sleep around because it is cool, women dont want to be the poor unglamourous housewife she should wany to be the independant women ( whats so independant about constantly dressing provocatively and getting drunk for the attention of men you dont know or barely know or mainly who arent your husband ?)
Also doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results isnt insane not for humans. You are married you have a life to change they say the average person changes every 7 years, were you the same person you were 7 years ago? I doubt it because circumstances, age and experience changes you, so there is hope.
You need to really talk to him, not shout, not play games, not say things you dont mean. I mean really talk to him with all your heart. Explain what your marriage stands for and why you got into it.
If he is not willing to work on it then you are going to have to walk away, in regards to the phone call I am sure he thought that because you had split up you were ignoring his calls and that if something serious had of happened to you he would have been informed. Maybe he thought he was giving you space.
He is insensitive but what was he like when you married him? If he was like that then you need to tell him to sort it out, if he has changed during the course of your marriage you need to find out why.
Speak to him and try your hardest to sort things out, you'll feel better if you love him.
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