A
female
age
36-40,
*ewbern
writes:I seem to be in trouble. After repeatedly cheating on my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, we had a good chat and I confessed that it was only sexual stuff and nothing emotional involved and that whereas I never climax with him, I did with the last guy I slept with. Bear in mind, I really do love my boyfriend, I 've just been very stupid and unable to be logical on certain nights out, but he is just incapable of satisfying me sexually and that's his only 'fault' so to speak.Now, my b/f said he wouldn't dump me and he forgave me, but since things aren't going too well in bed, he suggested that in order to keep our sex life alive we could try a so-called 'menage a 3'. I asked him if he was sure, because that could potentially make him very jealous. He insisted he was.Well, anyway. We got on with it last night. The third person was one of his mates (let's call him Ben) who apparently always fancied me so he said he was up for it.As we started, it was obvious my b/f was much -but seriously a lot- smaller than Ben and though I tried my best to conceal my intrigue, I think he already got very jealous. Ben even jokingly suggested comparing and though i giggled i then made a move on to my b/f (who's really tiny all over, very skinny but very cute) to console him. However I didn't climax with my b/f whereas I did with Ben. I tried my hardest not to as I didnt want to offend my b/f, but I just couldn't help it, and the moment I did my boyfriend stormed off. After sulking all night, this morning he's saying he'll get over it and that next time we should just get someone closer to his size (not easy, though I didnt tell him that) but I no longer want to go through this 3some stuff and all the tension that followed. Is my boyfriend being selfish or am I? What alternatives can we try so that I can also enjoy our sex life?
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jealous, move on, sex life, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I agree with the other person who just responded. You obviously get turned on by sex with strangers, without emotion. That signals an emotional disconnect between you and others. This may stem from a childhood without loving and caring parents."Stiff upper lip and all that sorta rot, ol' chap!" Am I close?As the other respondant wrote, you will not have a good relationship until you see men as people not just a stiff cock that gets you to climax.Do you ever feel sad when others around you are sad?Do this guy a favor and let him go. Then get a case of condoms and go have a good time. Get it out of your system and get some therapy.
A
female
reader, silly sue +, writes (17 August 2009):
It sounds like you have intimacy issues- maybe you need sex without emotions to be satisfied. It also sounds like you are not attracted to your bf physically: it is unfair to him to continue this relationship. If you have a shred of decency you will break this relationship up and let him find someone who can care about him. To put a guy who already has body image issues into a situation where he will be humiliated is simply cruel and might have scarred him for life. He is not staying with you because he loves you, he is staying with you because you undermined his self esteem and he doesn't feel confident enough to dump you, which he should have done a long time ago. You are better suited for as life of a nymphomaniac at the moment I think. Get it out of your system, get some therapy if you are unhappy with this. Maybe you will grow up and be ready for a relationship at some point, but for now stay single and figure out what you want from life. You have to learn that men are HUMAN (yes even your "skinny" boyfriend) and not toys to satisfy you sexually. I suggest seeing a councilor to address your intimacy issues. It might well be that your bf is physically not compatible with you- but has it dawned on you that it might be because you have made him feel insecure...??!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Hiya
I'm puzzled why you still describe him as your 'boyfriend'. All your posts have made it very clear that
1) You reserve the right to have sex with any man you want
2) You have satisfying orgasms with other men, but never with him
3) You see somewhat obsessed with c**k size, and are witheringly scornful of your boyfriend's c**k being so small and unable to satisfy you the way other men's c**cks do
4) You clearly get off on tormenting him by cheating, having explained here before how much you love his insanely jealous reaction and the 'reclamation' sex that ensues
5) You've now crossed a major line by f**king one of his mates right in front of his eyes. You say you tried not to orgasm with the other guy, but surely you knew it was likely? Of course this is going to torment the poor guy.
6) If I remember rightly, when he told you your cheating had to stop, you said it never would, that he could feel free to dump you if he didn't like it, and he 'came crawling back'
I sincerely hope you're not planning to marry him. You say you 'love' him - are you serious?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): He is treating you how you are behaving. You will end up as someone for every guy to sleep with. Part of his behaviour is also dominating over the inferiority you are giving him in a way to prove his manhood. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's a kind of fun time, but then isn't for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): So much for loving your bf, when in fact you took joy at humiliating him and belittling him. why not just call it quits. no matter what your bf does he just cannot compare to your sexual needs. selfishness on your part..........totally. strange how you done see it as your problem. if your bf had any sense at all he would just get rid of the skank in his life once and for all. you pressurised him into this 3some and you got off with the other man. you made your bf feel inadequate. it is not that your bf cannot satisfy you, you have already decided that he cannot, therfore you cannot orgasm with him. stop playing around like a *lut and start valuing your relationship, that is if you can. start valuing this man in your wife instead of treating him like second best. i hope he dumps your sorry loose ass soon. then he can go out and find true quality which will snap him up in an instant. stop playing games with your bf's life and stop opening them legs to all if you can. seems like you do not respect yourself, how the hell are you going to respect another human being.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Iris  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Dear Friend!
Sometimes life can play tricky games. It makes you fall in love and then puts you to test. Being sexually satisfied is one of the corner stones of a successful relationship as sex can get two people closer emotionally. So you not being completely satisfied is an issue that needs to be acknowledged. The size of a man's penis has nothing to do with a women's orgasm. There are lot of things that are involved. Considering the fact that you really know yourself the best sexually you could give him some tips on how to sexually stimuate you. Having oral sex before the actual intercourse is one of the ways you can guarantee a climax. The good news is that you and your boyfriend are close enough to discuss such delicate issues. Keep doing that as often as possible as it will only make your relationship more strong.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (17 August 2009):
 If you really loved your bf as you say you do, then you would do the decent thing and stay faithful. You sound like a superficial, self indulgent young lady and do not deserve such a nice decent young man like your bf.
You constantly undermine him, saying that he is too skinny and his manhood is too small. I think you bf should grow some BALLS and not put up with your wayward behaviour. You do not know the meaning of love, you are using him as a whipping boy to feed your selfish ego.
Sorry if you think I sound harsh.... but I was not going to sugar coat my opinions. If you want to continue to sleep around, then I think you should become a singleton and leave this nice young man to find a lady who will really LOVE AND CHERISH him.
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A
male
reader, deafguy +, writes (17 August 2009):
Somehow I feel since you both agree to have threesome but somehow one of you not fully accept threesome in your relationship (hidden feelings). Your boyfriend seems to love you to allow this to be happen even he did not want it secretly.
But somehow the agreement is not fully respected and corrupt the plan.
I think both of you need to sit down and talk properly (not avoiding) - there is a risk that it might not work - everywhere in life have risks.
I do not believe that your boyfriend cannot satisfied your needs - that might be an excuse from you. There are many ways that both of you can make it work such as being more romantic, massage etc... go to park and bring romantic food!
I think it is so unfair that you willing to do Ben (HIS MATE!!! it is so embarrassing because it put a risk for your boyfriend to break up with Ben). I got the feeling that Ben is not kind or did not considered or support your boyfriend.
One thing your boyfriend need to learn how to stop jealous. Jealous is not good in relationship - its can led to dangerous to damage both of you!
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