A
female
age
51-59,
*ostoncutie4u
writes:Hello, My Fiancee and i have been in a relationship for 12 years and still have amazing sex. First and foremost, i have always been curious about being with a woman but never tried it beyond kissing and fondling. However since i turned 40 three years ago, i cant get the thought out of my mind. The problem is that i want to do a threesome with him. The thought of him giving and receiving pleasure from me and another woman at the same time just turns me on tremendously and i dont know why. I brought up the suggestion of incorporating another female into our relationship for nsa sex and thats all. no relationship beyond that. He was reluctant at first thinking i would be way too jealous but i assured him that i am the one who wants this. I trust him and i know he loves me - we love eachother and i dont think that one night of hot steamy sex with a stranger would ruin a 12 year relationship. I mean most men have no problem with one night stands its the womens perspective that bothers me. i really really want to do this. But not sure how to approach the other female and what boundaries or limitations should be set.. I have no sexual boundaries set aside for him...let him enjoy and with me participating i can make his fantasy a reality as well..The problem is women tend to get feelings toward the male partners they sleep with. Its not like we can ultimately sleep with someone and never speak to that person again. We are way too emotional. I know he wont pursue other encounters with this person so im not worried - i think that i worry about the afterwards - scenarios that seem to be played out by most people offering advice against having a threesome suggest trouble. Im not sure i want to think about that aspect of it. Im almost 50 have lead a very quiet and boring life thus far and i want to experience this with him. We have had trouble in our relationship in the past ( mostly my fault - i cheated three times ) and he has always forgiven me for those mistakes - i feel that he deserves this too. he deserves to have sex with another woman and I am okay with watching and participating. I want to stress that he not too eager to pursue this without me being involved - it started with a simple discussion of our past relationship and how we are now. I stressed to him that i really think he deserves to experience another woman just as i had in the past when i cheated. I simply said "well honey, i will arrange a meeting with a hot chick for you to have sex all night. I will go to my sisters and you can have the house to yourself - you deserve it - and i will ask no questions provided i get to pick the girl for you !!" he turned it down saying he doesnt want someone else he only wants me and simply said " NO Fu@@@@ING WAY - YOURE OUT OF YOUR MIND !!!" and that was it. Well after a that i thought about how i could give him what he so deserved and what i have wanted - A threesome !!!" Like i said, i have not fear that he will leave me for her i mean why would he - he can have sex with other women with me allowing it. So it makes no sense for him to cheat as he puts it. Im just worried about the other party involved. What should i address to her - should i just come out and say hey we wanna have sex and thats it or what. I dont want to hurt the other girl's feelings but i dont want her to get the wrong idea either. Any advice ? please be honest and truthful Thanks so much P.S. Will update once we set up this steamy encounter - curious to find out if its what its cracked up to be !!!
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fiance, jealous, kissing, one night stand, sex with another, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): The logistics of doing this at home is a problem, and randomly trying to find a woman away from home can be as well. Consider taking a vacation at Hedoism, or Desire. Both are nude resorts, and tolerate some degree of open sexuality. Both are frequented by adventurous couples, some of which are into group sex. There are organised group trips, where you can network prior to the trip and get to know folks via the web... if you meet someone you click with go for it, if not, enjoy each other!
A
female
reader, Bostoncutie4u +, writes (29 July 2009):
Bostoncutie4u is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for their advice. I have thought about this long and hard and just to reply - I am not forcing this upon him. We simply stated our fantasies and i suggested another woman. Not another man, I don't have the desire for two men. We are very secure in our relationship now. Have dealt with the skeletons from the past so to speak regarding our previous relationship problems. Randomly during our conversation we discussed our fantasies and we watch a lot of porn and role play and such. The subject of a threesum came up and I suggested another woman. He was reluctant for fear of my being jealous not for anything else. I am okay with it - we discussed every possible scenario regarding boundaries and limitations...I don't have any - I have gotten past the jealousy issue and trust issues. Its beyond that now. By him saying no he was meaning a one on one encounter alone with another woman but was happily willing to participate in my fantasy of a 3sum - he stated he wanted me to be there and be involved and that nothing would happen without me. I have to respect that - he is very honest in that aspect - I wouldn't push him on it but also not rushing into without much consideration. Lets face it - Men can have sex with no feelings attached, they are players from the get go. Women on the other hand are emotional after a sexual encounter. My concern is how do I approach the other woman with my concerns...if i specify NSA and that its just for sex is it possible to be comfortable afterward. Preferably we are looking for someone who does not reside in our area. Out of state, which is definitely safer and if no phone numbers or address are provided I'm sure my worries of her pursuing anything will diminish. I guess we can discuss the issue more just to be safe. Thanks for all responses and answers
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (29 July 2009):
You sure have a large order to fill don't you can I suggest maybe ya'll should have couples sex with another husband and wife this way he will get the all around treatment. I have to ask though if he is saying he is not interested then why are you trying to force it on him. If he doesn't want to do it then you go off and have a affair with a women if that is what you want, but you cannot force him to do something he doesn't want to do and why invite problems into your relationship that aren't needed. Try the swingers scene and see where that will get you I think it would be a safer bet then going out with a random stranger and then you wouldn't have to worry about any emotional hang ups. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Bostoncutie4u +, writes (29 July 2009):
Bostoncutie4u is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell im sure the sex would be amazing that doesnt necessarily mean he will leave me for her. Its supposed to be amazing isnt it. Im not sure i will be a spectator. We have discussed this indepth and he assured me that we would both receive the same pleasure although who knows when your in the moment. In any case, i could watch for a while but he is adament about me being there with him he will not do this without me there and has stressed that numerous times so that says something right ? And as far as sex with another man he absolutely will not have it. I wouldnt want that anyway he is enough for me. Besides, men can simply have sex without feelings its the other woman im worried about - what if she suddenly wants to pursue him on the side or starts to want it again. I def would only do it with one person and wouldnt continue with the same person afterward should we both want to do it again. I would find a different partner for us. Just to not have any feelings develop
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions?  +, writes (29 July 2009):
You say that the idea of this is a turn on, but what about the reality ? You say that he will be giving and receiving pleasure from both of you at the same time, but what will you do if he suddenly gets really passionate and focussed on his sexual pleasure with this woman, and you are simply a spectator ?
Has the thought crossed your mind that he might find the sex so amazing with the other woman that it would compromise your relationship?
And just to turn things around a little, how would he feel watching you having sex with another man?
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