A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend may have stolen from me, but I can't prove it.Saturday night, I came home from my waitressing job and counted my earnings and put it all away very neatly in my wallet to take to the bank. The next day, a large bill was missing. I hadn't gone anywhere except in the car with him, but I stayed in the car with my purse the whole time. There is a small possibility that I lost it, but I distinctly remember counting it and noting how much I had and the exact amount of the large bill is missing.He is very bad with money and is normally completely broke within 24 hours of getting his paycheck, so one thing that makes me suspicious is that he's been buying cigarettes without a problem, as well as putting gas in the car. He told me when he first asked that he had $4 that he spent on cigarettes, so he basically admitted to not having any money without me having to ask. If I ask about the spendings though, he will probably say he borrowed it.He told me twice that he didn't take it, and he sounded believable, but I can't get it out of my mind that he did. About a year ago, he took $6 out of my purse for cigarettes, but when I asked him, he admitted it straight up and paid me back. I wouldn't tolerate that if it happened all the time, but occasionally isn't enough for me to end the relationship.If he took this bill though, I might, because it just destroyed my trust in him. I more upset about that than losing the money. He had been very nice to me the whole weekend, and if he did take it, it would make me feel like he wasn't true, that he was two-faced and deceiving me.In a lot of ways, I feel like I am lucky to have him, but I can't get past the thought that he did take the money. I would feel used if he did.Seeing how I don't have any proof, how should I respond to this without ruining the relationship with my suspicion?I don't want to just ignore it and then catch him again six months later, wasting my time on him.We have been together for two years.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (29 July 2009):
There is a possibility that you could be right and he stole it from your purse then maybe he didn't you have a tough situation here. I would say let it go and be careful of where you are putting your money and keep it away from him, Better yet why not put him to the test leave some large bills laying around and see if he takes them without permission then he is caught if not then no big deal. If you can't trust him then yes this is a big problem but then your kinda of over reacting too so either way your screwed. Honey try to get over it and watch your cash, encourage him to get better with money and be more responsible. Let him know if he needs money from you then he needs to ask you so you can be in control of the decision of whether or not you want to lend it out. You work to hard to just let someone still from you
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (29 July 2009):
 The best thing to do without proof is to trust that he didn't take it, but be wise and protect yourself by testing him. Tuck some money into a place where he might think you simply misplaced it, couch cushion (leave it visible), handing out of a drawer, or simply leave some out in a very obvious place, where it would be very tempting/easy for him to take money again. Make a note of where you do this and exactly how much you leave out, so there is no second guessing yourself.
If he doesn't take it, then it may have been your mistake this one time, but if he does, then you know it's likely he did this time and of course he failed your test. But because you don't have proof, you shouldn't blame him for this time, it unless he fesses up to it himself.
It's always best not to accuse without proof and it's good you brought your question here before talking to him. This isn't an easy situation to handle. I wish you luck and I hope he didn't take the money from you. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): 1st of all a relationship is based on honesty!!You should count yr money in front of him again. Test him i mean do it so he thinks nothin of it. Say Somethin like man i spent so much money i dont even remember how much money i have left, then leave yr purse thier walk away then count it again in a bathroom act like you need ta put make-up on or something. If you dont know the truth it will be harder for u to get over it. Becareful if it keeps happening he also needs yr money!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): at the end of the day if you can't prove it, it comes down to weither you trust him or not.
He says he isn't lying, what does your gut instict tell you? is he?
I think it sounds suspicious.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Hi there, if you don't trust your gut instinct enough to leave him, your only other possibility is to set a trap and see if he falls into it. May take a little time but it'll stop you wondering.
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