A
female
age
30-35,
*helly louisa
writes:hi.i really do need some advice on what to do!!!ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and things have gone down hill quite badly... we have had 3 breaks in the relationship and always got back together within weeks as we can't bare to be apart when we are single,but the thing is i love him to bits but the spark and love has faded away.We never did have much in common but now he brings it up every time that we are so different,im only 22 and he is 23 but i dont know how to get things back to the way they were at the start.We have tried eveything.go on more dates,not see each other as much,going on breaks but everything is better for the 1st week then it goes back to this,i feel so stuck because i know we not right for each other and i should end it and find someone more compatible but i dont want to and i dont know why...He really isnt that good of boyfriend; but im holding on to something i know has ran its course,i cant let go thow.has anyone been throw the same and got throw a bad patch like this?? or know how i can get throw this? thanks x
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Hi
This is quite sad,you clearly love him and him you.You've tried to make it work as a relationship for 3 years, now it isn't working.
At the 3yr stage your not thinking of a future,getting engaged having children..which you should be at least considering. Your thinking,'this isnt working'.
A break-up is always hard especially when theres no animosity, one of you has to be brutal,cut all ties and communication and stick to it, for that to work...
Is it bad enough to do that or can you see yourself married and growing old together? Your life your choice. x
A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I think you know the answers to this within yourself. You are trying to hold onto something that is no longer there and are afraid of getting hurt by ending it. Perhaps sit down together if you want to work it out and map out what is not working in your relationship and do a little too and throwing and asking yourself how do we fix this. Create some goals together and see if you are both on the same page. Three years of committment to each other is a long time. And do you really want to throw away 3 years of your life and then think oh no what have I done, so to speak. Deep down you know within yourself what the answers are. If your not compatible with each other, then why are you together. Food for thought here. A relationship that works is one of love, committment, honesty, compassion, working as a team together, and working towards the same goals. If the goals differ then there is a problem. If you cant find a way to compromise then there is a problem. Working together is a key to every relationship when it breaks down or one decides I don't want the relationship then there isin't much to do but part ways. The decisions that you make should be yours. Although its very confusing at the same time. Relationships through the years change, but if you dont grow with that change and work together as a team then your missing vital ingredients. You've tried to break up and it didn't work, so find out what doesn't work in your relationship and keep changing it together if thats what you want. Learn off each other what works and doesn't work and ask yourselves honestly what is it I love about you. What can we work on. Find the happiness you once had with each other if you want to stay together. In your last statement you stated he really isn't that good of a boyfriend. There is your answer. You have to make a choice whether to stay or not and work it out or part ways. No one can really tell you what to do because the decision has to be yours. Relationships go round in circles, and each hurdle we are faced with either makes us or breaks us. You are in a catch 22 phase of your relationship but clearly you love each other. Only time, space and development will tell what you will do. But also, think of it this way, if you are doubting your relationship then it is not the best for you and you should end it. The choice is yours. Are you strong enough to fight for your relationship or are you really ready to part.
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