A
female
age
36-40,
*eallyTorn22
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months..officially. Three years ago we were "friends with benefits" and nothing more. Out of that came a child. He wanted nothing to do with me or our child. Despite my attempts to contact him he completely disappeared and ignored me for 2 years..finally I found him on a popular networking site and he apologized for everything he has done and said he wanted to make it up to me..I lived in another state at this point and we talked for a year before I decided to move back and give it a try..im wondering if I did the right thing..And also im having issues with trusting him..since our relationship had only been based on sex years ago and i know of his reputation i constantly worry about him cheating..please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Except he didn't willingly come back... you had to track him down and only then did he apologise. He didn't find you.
It comes across a little like he wants to be chased. He made the decision to abandon his child and ignore it's mother for two years... And then suddenly decided he wanted to be around you both. What kind of person is that? You don't get the chance to pick and choose when you want to a parent so why should he?
To be honest, I'm not suprised you find it hard to trust him however, if you're sure the relationship is worth it then I would suggest speaking to him about it. It's been a few years since you were friends with benefits, people change. I bet you've changed a huge amount in that time.
Speak to him and have him reassure you of his intentions. Don't be confrontational or it'll just sound like you're accusing him but let him talk and ask him his feelings for you and the child. I guess your answer will be in what he says and how he says it.
Good luck
A
female
reader, reallyTorn22 +, writes (9 August 2008):
reallyTorn22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question *sigh* yea haha and i kinda would understand being scared to be a parent...but...i left out the part that he was already one when i met him...but had that child with a one night stand =/
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Man, that's tough. Maybe he just needed time to grow up, and the though of being a father scared him and he ran. but i think if he willingly came back and apologized to you, that he wants to make things work.
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