A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for roughly 10 months. A while ago, maybe 4 or 5 months ago, he brought up the subject of an open relationship. This isn't something that I feel comfortable with, which I expressed to him. He brought it up again a little while later, and I invested some research into it, and decided it still wasn't right for me, or our relationship. He brought it up a third time, this time in the context of being tempted to sleep with other people but not wanting to lose me. I made it clear why I wasn't comfortable with it, and that after consideration, this really wasn't a negotiable for me. My question is, if he brings it up again, should I end the relationship? I feel that I've been really clear about where I stand, and I don't feel that it's fair that he keeps bringing it up when he knows clearly how I feel. In short, it feels a bit manipulative and he tends to bring it up when he's feeling insecure or we've had a small argument about something else. It hurts me that he hasn't respected how I feel about it. If he really does not want a monogamous relationship, I will respect that and as much as I love him and value what we have, I would be willing to let him go so he can sleep with other people as he wishes. I'm just not sure I want to endure the emotional stress of having conversations about it when I know it's not right for me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): Aww I feel so sorry for you
You see I'm gay too and I have a boyfriend
He's never wanted an open relationship but some of my ex's have...
Some people, say they're gay for attention
And by the way you talk of this man...
He either isn't cut out to be gay and still is sexually attracted to women
Or he could like another man but still love you
I'd talk to him about it seriously okay?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 How did this subject ever even get THIS FAR????? Of course you and he should go your separate ways....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice! It's given me a lot more confidence.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 He doesn't really want a monogamous relationship and he will keep asking and asking again in the hope he will wear you down and give in.
Your attitude has been very adult. You listened to his request, you didn't automatically get upset and angry, instead you investigated it and realised you didn't like it. Not many people could approach the idea of an alternative lifestyle like this. You should be proud of yourself.
However, as I said, your boyfriend does not want to be faithful. He will either keep nagging or he will cheat. I can't see this relationship going anywhere, it seems that at the moment your incompatible and have different ideas about what makes a good relationship.
I suggest you tell him this, and be prepared for an eventual break-up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Yes. He had three strikes.
You have standards and morals that are who you are at your core. Core values must align for a couple to endure the trials of life.
You are monogamous. He is not.
Personally, I would already walk. Now he's being sly and serpentine by saying hes tempted to cheat. Then this says he has sex addict behaviours and is UNTRUSTWORTHY let alone a weakened man by his lust.
How do you build a loving, trusting relationship on that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): You should be proud for standing your ground with him.
If he is interested in sleeping with other women, he isn't fully committed to you. Also, the fact that the continues to ask despite your feelings towards it all shows disrespect.
You may choose to stay with him, and continue to say no, but never change your opinion to suit someone else. Of course, if you choose to stay and continue to turn him down, he may decided to sleep with the other women anyway (as he already considers it while with you!).
I think you know in your heart what is right for you. Now it's time to put it into play.
Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): It's likely he knew this about himself when he met you and he maybe misled you into thinking that he wanted a monogamous relationship. He wants to have you and whomever else which is selfish.
You know that this isn't right for you so you should probably end it now. It's likely since he keeps pushing for this he is eventually going to start sleeping with other people whether you agree to it or not.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Good for you for standing your ground.
Let me tell you about MY open marriage...
we were a couple
we opted based on MY suggestion to open the relationship about a year in (2003)
a year later we got married (late 2004)
we were swingers and all was well and good... we went together and I encouraged him to go on his own and "get her out of your system" when the "need" arose for him.
all was well and good until November 2010 when I met a man I WANTED to get to know better... ALL of a sudden HE no longer wanted to be in the lifestyle... amazing..
So I said I would give up my friend but he had to give up all his lady friends... and that wasn't a good plan either...
cut to the chase:
he's with a new woman and is monogamous and now SHE wants to have a bisexual experience with another woman
and I"m with the guy I met in 2010 and we are in a totally monogamous relationship even though I'm bi I've opted to give up women to be with him...
IF you don't want to do it DON'T do it... if he asked 3 times and can't respect you, I'd let him go....
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