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female
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anonymous
writes: How can I make my boyfriend forget the girl he cheatedon me with? He calls her and I know he is seeing her.He denies it. I need help. I love him so much. We live together. I try to be good with him. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): im in the same boat sweetie...i nkow how it goes.....theres always more to the story that isnt told...how you cant leave....youve already left him once and gone back..and now its happeeing all over again....spends more tiem with her than you...on that freakin game when he thinks you think its her bf hes playing with.....we know better....we dealk with it anywyas...and im not sure why
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2005): I believe that its not possible for you to even consider being with him if you dont trust him. You will make yourself paroniod and you may as well be locked up in a cell. You have to lay down an ulitmatium and if you dont stick to that he will walk all over you. At the moment he is probably thinking if i call this ex lover after a few arguments with you, you will back down and everything will be ok. He has got his bread buttered both sides and he will do it to the next woman and the next. Dont allow yourself to be another one of his victims. Its not fair on yourself. Prepare yourself to walk away and make him realise what he has lost. Its not going to be easy but your a fool if you believe you can live this way. If you do leave it may not be the end but if so you WILL find some one else and it might not be the same but it could be even better. I hope you dont jsut read this and think these people are right and not act upon it then three months down hte line things are worse he is sleeping with this ex and still calling her and your so unhappy but just thinking if he left her things will be ok. It sounds like his past will be his future just with a different girls name.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2005): I hate to say this..I believe very strongly in gut instincts and women's intuition. Chances are if your suspicions are strong..then it's likely true. A women's intuition is a gift and it seems like red flags are flying & alarm bells are going off in your head about this. Don't resign yourself and just accept his cheating. It will only serve to make you very unhappy and your self worth will take a nosedive if it hasn't already over this issue. And if his ex g/f had any self respect for herself and for your relationship..then she would do the morally good thing and back off...get her own life and never contact him anymore.
Some guys cheat once and never do again. Those relationships can probably be saved and rebuilt with honesty and respect for each other..but it takes work & only if the "other woman" is gone for good. Other men are habitual philanders with no intention of being committed to one woman on a spiritual level. To these men, a relationship is merely a social convenience.
With cheating, it is difficult to find the middle ground between denial and overreaction. But, trust is one of the most important ingredients in a love relationship. When cheating or even the suspicion of cheating rears its ugly head, the trust is violated.
If you think and /or are sure he is cheating, confront him immediately. Don't wait until you catch him in the act with his drawers down! Don't pretend you don't know what is going on. The longer you wait, the longer he will keep it up and think that what he is doing is okay. He will become attached to this woman, and he will get the cheap thrill of getting away with something. This thrill is often what keeps men cheating again and again. Immature on their part, yes! (And not to knock just guys, women do the same thing!) People like this in our lives..we can all do without.
Cheating itself seems to hurt our loved ones deeply, as it indicates a violation of the committment a woman/man holds dear, but I think its the lying which accompanies the cheating that is the most most destructive element of a relationship.
Tell him. The ex g/f needs to go. He should cut off all contact with her as she is posing a threat to yours and his happiness. If he doesn't do this..then you will know for certain that his attachment to her is unusually strong he's not respecting you or your relationship. Be prepared to walk away no matter how much you care.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 July 2005):
 I should really ask you whether you know for certain that he isn't still cheating on you with this girl. You say he calls her and you know he is still seeing her. How do you know this? Why is he denying it if it is true?
It could be because he wants his cake and eat it and both of you are allowing him to have his way.
You try to be good with him, how is he with you? Is he good with you? It seems he doesn't have much respect for you.
You have two choices really. You either put up with him being this way because as long as he feels he can get away with it, he will continue. If not with this girl, with another. You could plead with him, draw his attention to how he should be happy with just you...but I think he will still do it, I'm afraid. I wonder what happened before when he cheated on you. Did you split up? Whatever happened, he obviously thinks he can still get away with it.
The second choice is simple and the one I would like you to do but is the hardest to do, I understand. Dump him, get rid of him because he is unlikely to change. If he is living with you, if he loves you, the last thing on his mind should be being in contact with the girl he previously cheated with. He is walking the dumping ground and he deserves absolutely nothing from you. I know you love him but he isn't worthy of that to do this to you.
You could try sitting down with him and explaining how you feel and you could even say to him that unless he severs all contact with this girl, he will lose you. Perhaps the fear of losing you may be enough but I'm not sure. It's not you at fault, it is just that he is the type who would have difficulty in remaining faithful to anyone.
Those are the choices for you and I know this isn't easy but you must decide which is the best for you and be strong.
Good luck.
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