A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex still needs my conversation but my GF isn't taking it well. Advice?I was living with a woman ten years older than I since i was 17. At 25, I lost physical attraction and left her for someone I had strong attraction too. I also moved 400 miles away to be closer to my current GF. I am now 26 "Nine Months after this seperation"I left my ex rather abrubtly, waking up one morning and telling her I can't live like this anymore and within 30 minutes, I was gone.Long story short, my ex adopted a baby shortly before I left and is madly still in love with me. I have been supporting her for quite a long time before i left and now she had to really pick herself up and take care of herself "I'm not a complete jerk, I still supported them financialy until she found a job...about 4 months worth, left them all my furniture and car i just bought cash for $12K" She doesn't have many/any friends to lean on and her family is consisted of mother and sister both of whom are not likeable people nor are they "close" So, she turns to me to vent on 3-4 X's a month when she's having a bad day and needs supporting words. Plus I have a myspace and she leaves me comments 1-2 X's a week. nothing bad but too nice all the same.She's not a bad girl and deserves the best but my heart belongs to someone else now and my current GF is not taking to my left over baggage to well. Now, I hate to give reason for people to call me a hipacrite but I forbid my new GF to talk with her ex's and just guy friends in general "Like me or not, this is the type of guy I am and I can't deal with that stuff" But, I expect her to deal with mine. She's trying her best to let it slide but it's causing a lot of arguments for many months now but I can't help but to feel that my ex still needs att he least, my voice available to her in her life or she'll fall apart. I left her with too much on her plate, I knew that I had to leave that life for my own sanity and i'm a much happier person since I left that situation but she's still adjusting to her new life without me in it and needs my support...What should i do about this? #1. Cut ties with my ex completely, which will hurt her beyond belief and possibly damage her for the rest of her life#2. Stick to my guns with my current GF and wait it out until my ex hopfuly moves on with someone new and doesn't need meOr#3. Lie to my current GF about my talking to my ex, do it on the side in my spare time and still hope that she moves onI usually have a good sense of what right and wrong is but finding a balance here is troubling me and I need advice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): This is the original poster:I guess I have struck a nerve in the person that has just replied to me.I was 17 years old when I met her, I had no clue who I was let alone know how my life was going to turn out. I tried my hardest to be noble and stick it out forever but i was too unhappy with my life in general and had to break free to grow up and prove to myself that I was not crazy. If i were to tell my entire life story you would understand but that would then be an auto biograghy.In defense to what you have said about my choices:She has a sister that is a crack head. Her sister had a baby and asked us to baby sit for a couple of hours and never returned EVER! 2 weeks had passed and I told my EX that it's time to call DCFS because the baby has been abondoned. She refused and said this is blood and she can't do that. I made it clear through out our relationship that children were not for me. I stayed a few more days and left out of uncomfortableness. I stayed away maybe 1-2 days and decided I would go back and try my best to grow up to this level and try with everything i have to get used to this new situation. I stayed for a little over a year and it was not getting any better or easier for me. It was at the point where I couldn't stand being in my own home anymore. To get sleep I would go outside first thing int he morning and slep in my car because I coiuldn't sleep through the babies crying all night.You can call me weak, you can call me whatever you like because that is your freedom. But I tried until I absolutely could not try anymore. Kids were not for me. I told her this for many years in advance and she made a choice...Any other viewers that want to throw there 2 cents worth in?
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I cannot say I like your attitude as you only care anout your feelings and now the problem seem only YOU you should tell the true to tem both and en of story yo fucked with the old girl until she was unatracctive and at first she probably helped u fincancially and u were her only family untel less than a year ago and help her to get a baby and then left??? New girlfriend is not guilty but she should consider real men do up for their mistakes and stand up for the people they love
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