A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we're in a long distance realtionship as I'm at university.I really love him and am generally really happy in the realtionship. However, for some reason, I've always been quite a jealous person and feel threatened by a boyfriend's female friends. I'm posting this question because I'm feeling really low at the moment. His close female friend is travelling quite a long way to stay with him (he lives with his parents btw)and I can't get over the idea of the two of them spending 4 full days together whilst I'm stuck here. I haven't met her before but have seen photos of her. I know he would never cheat on me and that doesn't seem to be the issue when I really think about. Am I being too jealous or is this normal for women to feel this way?Thanks
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female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I think dirtball is right with his last paragraph. Letting your boyfriend know how you feel will give him the chance to reassure you, and he might make you feel better. It must be really tough for you to think of his friend paying him a visit, but he'll hopefully give you some words of comfort - you do trust him, but his reassurance will give some added comfort.
I don't know if it's "normal" but let me tell you, i totally understand! Last year I got together with my boyfriend [now ex] while at uni, and he was in college (we're the same age, he just went back to do his A Levels), and we were in different cities. A lot of the girls at his college liked him and he's a bit flirtatious by nature, or maybe it's just charisma, anyway I felt insecure and jealous a lot. The thing is, I knew he loved me and wanted me, and would NEVER have cheated on me, but I kept feeling jealous that so many girls liked him (and often compared myself to them) and kept imagining stuff like what if his attention goes elsewhere. The thing is, when you know he loves you and won't cheat, you have to try and push these thoughts aside, and trust him and yourself.. that no matter who he talks to and who he's friends with, at the end of the day, you're his girlfriend and you're the special one in his life. Try and bring these thoughts to the forefront of your mind, and push away all the negative stuff. Remember that he's with YOU for a reason. You might not be able to eradicate the jealousy completely, but hopefully you'll manage to tone it down so you can be less secure and more content.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I can see where you're coming from. The key is how you handle it. LDR's are tough enough without the added strain of such things, but then again you can't tell him who he can and cannot hang out with. If you trust him, then you'll trust him to do the right thing.
What's the reason for this friend's visit? He lives with his parents, so she'll be staying there too. I doubt they'll have "romantic" time at home.
If you trust he'll do the right thing, then this is a non-issue. Your feelings are normal and I'm sure there are people who will say he's cheating. I don't believe that to be the case.
The most important thing you can do is tell him what you're feeling. Let him know you love him, but her visit makes you feel insecure. You realize it's "silly" but you can't help it. Ask for reassurance.
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