A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:a few months ago my husband came home devastated because an affair that started late last year was ended in the spring of this year by the other women. he said that he was still in love with me, but had fallen in love with her, i admit our relationship wasn't perfect, i was really caught up with the stress of my job, and did not make a lot of time for us, i knew i still loved him and i thought things would eventually get back to normal, i never expected this though, because he is a good person, he is usually quite honest, so it seemed so out of character. After the initial shock wore off, the months of talking, crying on both our parts, some counselling for me, because he could only get through one session, i thought we we were finally getting through it, that is until he become depressed, he said it was because of everything, the breaking down in front of me when he told me about the affair and cried over the loss of this person, and his eelings for her that he is having trouble letting go of, which is understandable because they work at the same company, he is also dealing with the the guilt over hurting me and damaging our relationship. he says that nothing is going on and it really is over, a fact that still seems to cause him a great deal of pain.i know for a fact that up until two months ago, he was still trying to have a relationship with her. 1) a month after the affair ended he placed some calls to her via cell phone, which i found out about, when i confronted her she told him that she would no longer speak to him at work because it caused to many problem for her, this made me happy-but it made him a little angry. 2) a few months ago i found a receipt for perfume, and because our anniversary was coming up i assumed it was for me, i was wrong it was bought for her, he admitted he gave it to her to try to repair their friendship, she took the perfume, but still ignores him. my question: how can i believe that my huband loves me, when he can't seem to let go of his feelings for her, he admits that this is a problem and can't understand it all himself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): From reading your post you sound like a strong woman, an admirable person. Let go and move on. I am in no doubt that you will find happiness without this man. He will come to miss you...one day and realise that his foolish obsession at this point in time is not based on anything real.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 I feel for you. And I too went through a similar thing with my ex-wife. Its one thing for him to do the wrong that he did in cheating on you, but to burden you with this is selfish and unbearable for you. He not only cheated, he fell in love with her. And it is fairly obvious he had not gotten over her.
He has not put much effort in putting your marriage together from what little I can tell. All he has done is give you pain, and even though he has come forward with his sins, he is still committing the act of cheating on you. He bought a gift for her. He still loves her, and even though she has rejected him, he won’t face this.
I would never advise you to break up and destroy your marriage, especially if kids are involved, but seriously, he’s not holding up his end. It is certain you are trying to forgive him, where many women would have dropped him so quickly.
In my situation, my marriage ended because my wife chose to blow it all up and not look back. She made up her mind to make a lot of bad choices, and now, even though she did me so many wrongs, I look at her and just feel sorry for her…there’s nothing I can do to repair what she so violently destroyed…..I can see your husband is doing the same thing, walking a destructive path…. I don’t see a good end to this, unless he decides to wake up and really try to be your husband and act like your husband again.
Have hope, do some praying. You don’t deserve what he’s putting you through. Have strength and courage. You should talk this over with close family. It is good that you are still trying to repair your marriage, but do not fight a lost cause either….Prepare for the worst if it comes to it. Please email me if you wish. You have my sympathy.
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