A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the situation. I am recently seperated from my husband, and started talking to this guy at work. He told me he had a girlfriend. So i chalked it up to harmless flirting. After a while the flirting became more serious. I know that him and his girlfriend were having problems so I thought that their relationship was getting ready to end. I figured well, why does it matter if i continue to flirt with him and maybe something will come out of it. So I continued on. He invited me out for coffee the other night and we "hooked" up. Afterwards, I could tell he was feeling guilty, so I asked him and he said that he didn't think this could happen again...??? Confused, I let it go and then texed him later on. I asked him if he was still with his girl, and he said yes and that one day he thought he would ask her to marry him. So I got a little upset, but I'm not looking for a realationship, just some no-strings attatched fun. So I figured it is what it is and just dropped the whole thing. Now a few days later I'm still thinking about it, hoping he will text or call so we can pick up where we left off. He said we could still be friends if i was willing to be but other than work, i haven't heard from him. I want no-strings attached fun, but for some reason I just want it with him... and as far a the whole girlfriend thing goes... I really don't think it will work out between them and I think he was just feeling guilty for cheating on her and said that he thought he might ask her to marry him, out of confusion and guilt. So i know most people are going to say stay away from this guy, but i don't want to. Tell me how i can win him over. That's what i really want. And yes... I know that most people believe once he's a cheater always a cheater, but I'm really not looking for a serious realtionship with him right now so that isn't really a factor.So this is a message I previously posted and most of it still stands true but after all the answers I received I am confused as to what I really want. Maybe the proper term is "freinds with benefits". I want someone I can hang out with and enjoy hooking up with without commitment, however, not just anyone. I believe we really do have a lot in common and could have lots of fun together just being freinds with benefits. I know I sound very selfish and slutty and Im sorry, but all the judgemental answers are welcome. Also just to clarify, he has told me more than once that he enjoys spending time with me without having the sex so it's not just about the sex. I believe he really does like me as far as that is concerned and now is confused as what he should do when it comes to making a decision with his girlfriend. and as far as the married thing he brought up, we have had many conversations and I really don't think he is as clear about why he thought he may want to pop the question. I think that before we started talking he may have really wanted to po the question but then they started having their problems and coincidentally we also met and made a connection.Please, I'm really looking for a resolution. Thanks
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 How disturbing! If you wanted a relationship with this guy, then whilst not a good way to go about it, I could at least understand somewhat you being so attracted to him that you would want him for yourself.
However, wanting to win him over for the purposes of being a sex toy at the possible/probable expense of his potential happiness with a woman he thinks highly enough of to consider marrying is just a dogs act. To him, to her, and even to yourself!
A
female
reader, curious26 +, writes (6 January 2010):
Move on!!!! You need to see a therapist seriously. Go find a Single guy!!!!!!!!!!!!he has a girlfriend. You wrote yesterday about the same shit. Nobody is going to agree with what you want to do. He used you for one night get over it. Maybe it wasn't even good for him and now regrets it because he loves his girlfriend and probably thinks you weren't worth it. Move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its none of your business to break them up.
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