A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I need some advice. I've had this massive crush on a guy for the last 5 years. He's a year older than me and I met him in school. He's an amazing guy, extremely good looking, gentleman personality and has a great career ahead of him. I fell head over heels for him and my attraction has stayed ever since. The downside, he has a girlfriend. They got together 4 and a half years ago. There relationship is one of those relationships that everybody is jealous of. They seem totally in love and there relationship is kept between themselves and off of social media websites. Did I mention she's also absolutely gorgeous, she used to do some modelling and now she's just qualified as a nurse. I want to hate her but I can't as she's genuinely a nice girl. As much as that pains me to say. They were the childhood sweethearts of my school. Recently back in December there relationship seemed to end. As they don't really make anything public nobody really noticed, apart from me. As sad as it is I spent a lot of time on his Facebook and twitter page and noticed that there relationship status had been removed. They weren't seen together for around 3 months and I thought my chance was finally going to happen. I was building up the courage to talk to him without seeming like I was jumping straight in there when they suddenly got back together. I am devastated. They were together for 4 and a half years when they broke up and I waited throughout that whole time. My attraction to him never left and now I'm devastated that my chance has been taken from me. I want to know what happened between them and why the relationship seemed to come to a hault. I asked his friend who said there was no bad feeling between them but they didn't have the time to see each other with there work so it had fizzled out. Basically do you guys think I should just try and move on? Do you think that there relationship can work? They were together for a long time but for it to just fizzle out like that, surely love wouldn't do that? But also now they do seem more in love than ever. I'm just a heart broken mess at the moment, and now I can't stop obsessing over him or her. I don't know what to do or if I even want to move on from him.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (24 April 2014):
 I agree with the other aunts that you probably need some professional help dealing with this.
Your first step is to remove him from Facebook and stop following him on Twitter. Stop talking to his friends about him. I know you will find that hard to do. You may find it impossible - if that's the case, you'll know for certain that you need more help than we can give. Talk to your friends, talk to your parents, talk to your doctor.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): You've talked a lot about your feelings and your attraction and how much you want him OP.Here's another way to see it.You are connected to him via social media so he is perfectly aware of your existence. He apparently doesn't like you enough to include you in his circle of friends who know about his business.Hence your conjecture about his life is based on newsfeeds off social media. Whatever your feelings for him may be, he doesn't like you. Even if we suppose that he doesn't know you yet and you've only seen him around; the odds of him falling in love with you are close to 0. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because there are billions of women in the world and your chances of you being with him are as good as the next woman's. There are lots of 'amazing guys, extremely good looking, gentleman personality with great careers ahead of them.' But their perfection is of no consequence if they don't like you back.Either tell him how you feel about him (he'll think you're a stalker) or move on. This should be your approach from now on. If a man acted towards me like you are doing to him, I'd be totally creeped out. That is not sexy or sweet. You're destined for a depressing life if you stalk people like this. Allowing someone to hurt you who doesn't even know you exist?! What's the point?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 I agree with Uncle Wise (and the other uncles & Aunties) you have gone WAY past crush and into obsession.
Waiting 4 1/2 years is 4 1/2 year is WASTED time.
It is time to let it go. Not just try. LET HIM GO from your mind and your heart. He is not the one for you.
CUT ANY contact with him 100% - no more stalking social media (her OR his) no more talking to him OR her (if you talk to him at all).
Now that you think you know WHAT you want in a guy GO forth and find one for YOU. ONE that is SINGLE. AVAILABLE.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 5 years? You've been obsessing over this guy since before he got with his girlfriend 4.5 years ago, and you are still in there, hoping for some sort of miricle to happen, and have been since you were aged between 15 and 17?
Time to accept this is not going to happen, time to accept it was a lovely day dream but to let five years pass just like that for nothing ........... what a waste.
YOu have a life to live and all the while you have been mooning around waiting for a little winged being to come along and sprinkle the world with a liberal dose of fairy dust.
Your chance wasnt taken from you, it never existed! Time to face facts, and if you cant do that on your own then do as others have suggested and seek professional advise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): You do need some counselling because nothing should become an unhealthy obsession. I don't necessarily think you have a mental health disorder as such, but you let yourself feed the crush until it turned into stalking. You need to move on from this because it's not love and it's not good for anyone involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): "Basically do you guys think I should just try and move on?"
Yes but don't try, just actually move on.
"Do you think that there relationship can work?"
Yes, I do, I think it'll be one that'll last the distance.
"They were together for a long time but for it to just fizzle out like that, surely love wouldn't do that?"
Circumstances for them changed, OP, the love didn't die. In fact that break only made them realise how much they loved each other and that circumstances aren't a good reason to be apart.
Harsh truth, OP? What handsome, successful, lovely man wants to be with an obsessive creep who worships the ground he walks on? I'd actually be afraid of you and I'm a powerfully built amateur fighter.
What chance do you think you missed out on? The only chance you had was as a rebound, a quick fuck to ease his pain before he dumps you and gets back with her.
Seriously, what did you think was going to happen if he actually gave you a shot and found out you've been hanging onto this fantasy you have of being with him, and stalking him for 5 years? He'd have run a mile, OP.
OP if you were a man you'd be locked up, the fact that you're woman does not make you any less dangerous. You're living in a deluded fantasy world where you actually have a chance with a guy and have been waiting for 5 years for that to happen?
OP that's a tad messed up don't you think? It's not cute nor romantic because you're a woman and in the movies that's harmless. You're watching the wrong ones if you think that's in any way acceptable, the ones you should be watching are Fatal Attraction and Cruel Intentions.
OP I'm being harsh for a reason and that's not to upset you, nor make you feel bad about yourself, because you have no reason to as you've done nothing wrong to anyone except yourself.
It's time you took care of yourself, OP, and it's time you completely removed this guy from your life.
I echo the sentiments of others OP, this is so serious I think you need help.
I'm a teacher, I deal with crushes every day, some are even directed at me. This is not a crush, it's a dangerous obsession and could well be a sign of mental illness.
5 years you have been mentally torturing yourself and living in a painful fantasy world, imagining all the the things you could be doing with him, what it would like to have him, checking his FB statuses, liking every picture, retweeting every "humorous" tweet and slowly crushing yourself watching as he is happy with another girl you wish you were.
How can you live like that, OP? how many more times are you going to break your own heart over something you can't have?
You never, ever have a chance with this guy, it's gone too far. And guess what? the worst possible outcome would be to be with him because there is no chance in hell you could have a normal relationship with him at all.
Face the facts, OP, this amazing creature you worship? Is actually the worst thing that has ever happened you. 5 years of obsession verging on mental illness and utter despair as you're crushed over and over again. 5 years of your life standing still. 5 years of living in a painful dream world where nothing but him seems worth anything good.
Is this what you want from life? Seriously? or do you want to date, find love in the real world, with a guy who you can be normal with?
Consider professional help, OP. It might not be real, but the pain will be as bad as a real break up before it feels liberating.
But understand one thing, letting this continue will break you eventually and you may never be able to reconcile that mentally. 5 damn years, OP. What kind of life is that to lead for 5 years? Delete him from everything, delete her from everything, get rid of the mutual friends you don#t actually know that well and talk to your most trusted advisor or parent about seeking some professional advice.
Best of luck, OP, you're not a bad person, you haven't hurt anyone but you're going to break if you don't stop this, if you haven't already. Time to come back to reality.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2014):
 You need to do more that just try and move on. You've been stalking him on social media for 5 years and have made things up based on what you saw or didn't see on social media. Seriously.
If you are a heartbroken mess for a man you haven't spoken to in 5 years, my dear, you need some help.
You use words like "can't stop obsessing" --indicates the need for mental health intervention
"I don't know what to do or if I even want to move on from him" --indicates the need for mental health intervention
"I am devastated" --if you are devastated that a man you haven't spoken to for 5 years has reappeared on social media back with his girlfriend of long standing, okay, you know the drill, you need some intervention.
Please contact your health care provider and get an emergency referral. If you are really struggling with this, try this website: http://www.samaritans.org
That last website is available 24/7/365….
Be well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): I think you have a fixation on the guy that may be growing into an obsession. You are keeping constant tabs on his relationship and status on Facebook; and shadowing his relationship with another woman. Whom he obviously loves.
It was a crush, when you just felt fondness for the guy because you felt attraction for him; and appreciated his good looks.
Now you're studying the details of how his relationship progresses; with no consideration of the fact that he may be totally uninterested in you. I carefully use the word "stalking" Facebook, is a little desperate. Hoping his relationship fails for your benefit is unhealthy and not very nice.
Spending so much time and preoccupation over a fixation for a man who is in a long-term relationship; may require professional therapy.
Are you currently under treatment for a mental disorder? I do not mean to insult you in anyway, by asking.
Frankly speaking, if you can carry on a crush for five years and follow someone's life for so long from afar; there has to be something amiss. If you are being treated by a mental-health professional, and under prescribed drug-therapy; it may be time for a checkup and time to medicate.
Please talk to a mental-health specialist to determine if such behavior is healthy for you. Obsessing over anything is not healthy, my dear.
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