A
female
age
41-50,
*roblemsue
writes:Hi aunts and uncles ,i have been dating a wonderful man for 18months and everything seems to be going well .but he recently lost his job and although i have offered to support us until he finds a new job ,he seems to have become distant and embarrased about a woman supporting him .ia his ego bruises and how can i make him feel better without (mothering )him
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (25 April 2014):
Dear OP,
I agree with the others. In his shoes, I also wouldn't want to be supported, but try and make it on my own. If he's too much in financial troubles, you could offer to borrow him money and have him give it back to you once he has a job. That way, you help him without making him feel too dependent on you. But the others are right, he may basically want to sort this out for himself.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 April 2014):
 Poor bloke, losing his job is losing a way of life.
Don't pity him, he must sort this out himself. As somebody else said make him feel useful, ask him to service your car or put up shelves...anything like that will help pass time and keep him feeling valued.
Hopefully he is looking for work daily and will soon be employed again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 April 2014):
 You can't.
Let him figure this out on his own, but do not take crap over it.
Do you two live together?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): Do not offer to support him. Regardless of ego, you have to allow him to work toward his own financial recovery. Minimize trying to make him feel better. Just be supportive. You have no obligation to cater to his sulking. If it increases, grow distant. This will bring him around a bit. The less you pity him, the better off you'll both get along. Pity isn't what he needs from you. Let him handle his problems like a man.
Just be your usual self, let him deal with his unemployment issues. If you wish to treat him now and then, do what is comfortable for you, but don't splurge. He'll be fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): You can't.
OP just let him have his sulk without interference. He's a grown man, if he's this prideful then he'll want to deal with this himself. Just let go of the idea that you have do something other than being understanding and giving him a little time to get himself sorted.
Think of how you feel about embarrassment, you hardly want people to shove it in your face and a man like him certainly won't want to be mothered either.
When I'm off work for the summer my wife has a nasty habit of suddenly finding lots of repairs and things that need to be done around the house. It's her way of keeping me busy, maybe you could do the same. Cash is not the only contribution that can be made to a household, OP. Just ask for little things you need done and try and keep him on toes without making it too obvious.
It won't solve the problem but it'll stop him getting into a rut, feeling useful really will stop the rot setting in.
Just don't let this drag out either, OP, he's too old to sulk for long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): You can't. It's not your job to make him feel better. What you should be more concerned about is making sure he doesn't become reliant on you and sponge off of you under the guise of love.
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